Takes the days

It's Enough (Spyro)

2009-11-07T00:34:27Z

Title: It's Enough
Author: coldmero
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Spyro (Spencer/Ryan)
Summary: bbSpyro. Ryan's got bruises all over, and Spencer wants nothing more than to help him.
Beta: outofthewild
Author Notes: For forceddoors, I hope you like it♥ This fic has been plaguing me since September, so many thanks to outofthewild for a lot of feedback and patience. I'm so glad I'm done with this.
Wordcount: 2672

The phone’s ringing. I roll over from my spot on the couch and shake the sleep out of my head, reaching for the phone.

“Hello?” my voice croaks as I look around the living room. There’s a dim light from the kitchen and the window in front of me is open a little. As I get up to close it, the other line speaks.

“Spence… can I come over?” he whispers slowly. I stop walking and my stomach falls. I try to blink the darkness out of my eyes, but it doesn’t work.

“Yeah, yes. Are you alright Ry? Do you want me to go to your house to walk you over?” I ask, now fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

“Yeah… I’ll be outside,” he says weakly and hangs up. I wonder how bad he is tonight. Walking to the kitchen, I see Mom sitting at the table sipping coffee and scrolling on her laptop.

“Mom, Ryan’s coming over. I’ll be right back.” She looks up and her face is suddenly worried, as I’m sure mine is. “He didn’t sound that bad. Could you maybe get something for him to drink?” I ask, walking to the door. I hate to say it’s almost routine to do this some nights, but it is. I’m only fifteen and Ryan’s only sixteen, and it’s just kind of wrong.

I hear Mom get up and open some cupboards as I shut the door behind me, the night chills instantly going through me. Across the street and two doors down I see a thin figure sitting in the driveway. I feel that I’m shivering, but it’s no big deal.

I stride across the street and round up to the sidewalk, the dew on the plush grass seeping through my socks. Ryan looks up weakly as I turn into his driveway, running the last bit to get to him. I sling my arm around his waist and help him up, receiving a groan from low in his throat.

I don’t look into his face, because I don’t want to panic yet, but I hope he’s alright. His head leans onto my shoulder and I feel a small shudder run through his body. I hate that I’m thinking about how close Ryan is and that it makes a happy buzz in my ears, because now is not the time for that.

He moans a little as we walk in the dark, tightening his grip around me.

“Spence, can we stop for a minute?” he asks when we reach my driveway. I feel a pang in my chest as he shakes out of my grip and sits on my lawn, looking up at the sky. I can see my mom looking through the window so I give her a wave before lying down next to him.

Ryan coughs into his hand and I pretend to not see him smear the dark liquid onto the grass afterwards. He turns his face towards me and gives me a small smile. I can’t help but wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck.

“Thank you,” he whispers, hugging me back and stroking my hair. I let go and lay next to him again, following his eyes to the sky. He starts talking vaguely about how pretty it is, but trails off mid-sentence, which I can understand. His hand goes for mine and I hold it tightly, looking into his face. A smile twitches at his lips and I’m relieved, because I think he’s okay.

My back starts to feel wet from the grass, and I basically just want to get back to bed. Ryan squeezes my hand and lets go, staggering to stand up. I quickly get up and help him to the door, though he doesn’t really need it. On the table, Mom set out two cups of hot cocoa, and I can see the glow of her laptop now coming from the living room. Ryan walks to the next room and I hear him thanking her and receiving a kiss on the cheek. He appears back at the doorway and smiles, joining me sitting at the table.

We sip at the cocoa and I look at Ryan more. I try to ignore the small blossoms on his arms and the few on his face. He’s got a scratch above his eye, but it’s not that bad. I hate seeing him like this. I watch his eyelids begin to droop, and he clearly hasn’t gotten much sleep. Ryan polishes off his mug and moves it toward me before laying his head down against the lacquered wood table.

I quickly finish my own and tousle his hair, getting him to stand up. He rubs his eyes softly and takes my arm, holding it loosely. A smile twitches at my lips as I lead him upstairs to my room and begin to undress.

“Do you need anything?

He gives a weak nod and I pull out a t-shirt and sweatpants from my closet. I help him unbutton his shirt and try to make my cheeks not burn at the action. I slip it off of his thin arms and look at the deeper blossoms on his stomach and side, trying not to wince. I turn away and hand him the shirt and pants, putting on a fresh shirt for myself as well.

As I get myself situated in my bed, I try not to watch Ryan undress. But I do. He slips off his tight pants, leaving them in a pile on the floor. His legs don’t look bad. I think he only got a few blows to the stomach and some minor battery on his arms and face. But he’s so pretty, it’s just not… fair.

I find myself staring at the little dips in his stomach, his sharp hips jutting out below his waist. I close my eyes tightly and roll onto my back, no longer watching. I hear Ryan coughing again and a slight whimper afterwards.

“Spence, I got some blood on your-“

“It’s alright, Ry. You know it is,” I say softly, watching him go to turn off the light. He gives me a sheepish smile, flicking the light switch before scampering back to my bed.

I feel his added weight on the mattress and I groan, exhausted.

So I listen to his breathing even a few feet away from me. Hear him clear his throat and sigh.

“Ryan, I,” I whisper, wondering if he’s still awake. He makes a small noise in the back of his throat in response.

Trying not to think about it, I scoot closer to him on the bed and sling my arm around his thin waist. He seemingly melts under my touch, his arms languidly wrapping around my neck as he presses his face into my chest. I sigh, relieved, and bring a hand to stroke his silky hair.

“How are you feeling?”

“Perfect,” he says, his voice muffled. I can feel his lips move against my neck, the short stubble brush my skin, and God.

He snuggles up closer, wrapping his legs in mine.

“Good night, Spence. Love you,” he whispers.

“You too,” I say into his hair, inhaling the smell of his scalp. I feel a twang in my chest. It’s not the same for him.

I frown until I try to move my arms, and I realize again that I’m holding Ryan. And that, that’s enough right now.

--

I wake up, sun blaring in my eyes. I tilt my head down to see Ryan in my arms, just as he was when we fell asleep. I sigh happily, kissing his forehead and hugging him tightly.

“You awake now, Spin?” he asks, a smile in his voice. My face burns, because yeah, he was awake just now.

“Uh huh,” I say, trying to be nonchalant. He cuddles closer to me and hums.

“Good morning, then.” I mumble ‘uh huh’ in response and detach myself from Ryan. I look over at him and his eyes are closed again, his face relaxed.

I walk out of my room, downstairs into the kitchen to prepare eggs for both of us. Only two for each of us, because Ryan’s a skinny little fuck, and because, well, I’m not. I get out a piece of white bread along with my piece of wheat, because for some reason Ryan refuses to eat anything that isn’t bleached.

I jump a little when I feel Ryan’s chin rest on my shoulder. He yawns.

“Why didn’t you invite me with?”

“You just looked too damn precious, Ry,” I say sarcastically, though I kind of mean it. He leaves me to sit at the table, thrumming his fingers on the shiny wood.

“Spenceeer, I’m hungry,” he whines. I roll my eyes and flip the eggs, the toast popping out of the toaster. I get out two plates and put our food on them. Ryan hops up from the table to take his plate and get a fork, and he’s about halfway done with breakfast by the time I sit down.

I laugh at him when he finishes because seriously, that was about forty-five seconds. He makes a face and smiles.

“Well uh, I’m gonna go now… dad will be upset if I’m not home when he wakes up,” he says, giving me a weak smile. I get up from my seat and fold him into a hug. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“Sure, Ry, whenever. And you know where to call if you need something.” He grins.

“Of course I do. Oh, I’ll return your clothes later,” he says, gesturing to himself. He walks himself to the door and I watch him intently.

“Bye,” we say in unison with small waves. As soon as the door closes I rest my head on the table.

“Shit.”

--

I hear the phone ring outside my room. There’s a knock at my door.

“It’s for you,” I hear my mom say quietly. My stomach is falling as soon as I stand, starting towards the door.

“Thanks,” I say, taking it from her and sitting back on my bed. “Ry?” He coughs.

“Hey Spence. I uh, Dad got… upset again,” he mumbles.

“I’ll be right over, hold on.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” I say, hanging up. I massage my temples lightly, sighing.

“He alright?” Mom asks, just outside my door.

“He sounds okay. I’m going to get him right now.” She nods and goes back to the kitchen. I dig for a pair of socks, and seriously can’t find anything, so I just walk to the door. A pair of my sister’s flip-flops catch my eye when I get there, though, so I put them on.

“I’ll be right back,” I say as I shut the door behind me. There he is, across the street, two doors down. I jog over, the loud smacking from my sandals echoing down the street. I hear Ryan start coughing and watch him drop to his knees, hunched over.

I run the remaining distance up his driveway and hurry to his side.

“Ryan, Ryan,” I say, looking into his face. There’s some blood trailing out the corner of his mouth and some more on his hands. I don’t even know what to do.

“Spencer,” he whispers, standing up shakily and clutching to my side.

“Shit, are you seriously okay? Should we take you to the hospital?” He shakes his head.

“No, I’m really alright,” he says, smearing the blood on his pants. I stop talking as we walk the rest of the distance, slowly. He leans a distance across my shoulder and kisses my cheek when we get to my doorstep.

I open the door and nod at Mom, quickly getting him upstairs to rest. I pull out another pair of sweatpants and a shirt, motioning for him to sit on my bed. I hand him the clothes and go downstairs to get water.

“He’s a little worse than last night, but he’s insisting he’s fine. Just a few punches,” I mumble to Mom as I fill a glass. She gives me another concerned look and frowns.

“I guess we have to trust his judgment,” she says, kissing my hair before returning to her laptop.

“Night,” I say, turning to walk back up the stairs. I close my door behind me and turn off the large light, my lamp still on. It casts a small yellow glow on Ryan, sitting sleepily on my bed.

“Here Ry,” I say, handing him the glass. He takes it and gulps it down, his eyes drooping further. After he finishes, I start to speak.

“Ryan, I can’t stand to see you getting hurt like this- I mean, I know you don’t make a big deal about it, but, but I love you,” I say softly, trembling a little. His face falls, seeing me upset, and he quickly pulls me down to sit next to him. His arm goes around me, and when I realize he’s the one comforting me, I start to cry.

“I love you too, Spin,” he mumbles, stroking my hair.

“N-no, I, I want to be there for you right now, not the other way around,” I say, gently removing his arms. “And besides, it’s… it’s not the same.”

“What isn’t the same?” he asks, and then he coughs again into his palm. No blood this time.

“No, I don’t want to do this right now, never mind,” I mumble, putting my hands in my lap.

“If you want to be there for me, then tell me what you’re thinking,” he says, a little smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. I huff and look down.

“I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear this, but I just, I love you.” I peer up and he’s making a face.

“Like I said, I love you too.”

“No! This is what isn’t the same, Ryan, I,” I say, but I stop. I stop because there Ryan is, lips barely against mine. And they’re gone. Ryan looks over at me with an unreadable expression. When I open my mouth to talk, I realize I’ve stopped breathing.

“Ryan, I,” I whisper, afraid I’m going to break something. His hand goes to my cheek, drawing small circles across my jaw and I sigh.

“Me too,” he answers, equally as careful. I kiss the side of his mouth, run my hands up his sides gently. He sighs, pushing me against my mattress, acting as if I’m the injured one. Slowly, I run my fingers under the hem of his shirt, pushing it up a few inches. In doing so, I expose a few dark blue blossoms on his torso. Tears threaten to prickle my eyes again, so I shut them tightly.

“Are you okay?” I whisper.

“I’m better than okay,” he says, brushing my bangs to the side and kissing my forehead. I’m not sure how this is working, how it feels exactly like it always has. Just kissing… I kissed him, didn’t I? But it didn’t really, it didn’t change anything. But I’m happy.

“I don’t want you to be with your dad anymore…” I say as he cards his fingers through my hair.

“I know Spence, but really, I’m alright. I don’t… I don’t know if I’m going to go back for a few days. Would that be alright? I think he just needs some time,” he says softly, looking into my face with a little nervousness.

“I’m sure it would be fine, I’ll tell Mom about it in the morning,” I say as I wrap my arms around him. I let his weight settle to my side.

“Thank you so much. I’ll, I’ll go home in just a few days, he just needs some time,” he whispers.

“Alright, but I…” I say, flicking off my bedside lamp hesitantly, nervousness still in my throat.

“I love you too,” he says as he kisses me, and everything else disappears into the darkness.

Ryan is more than enough right now.

end

Extra Sweet (Rydon)

2009-11-03T02:33:00Z

Title: Extra Sweet
Author: coldmero
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Rydon, Joncer if you squint
Summary: Brendon has a thing for watching Ryan as he sleeps, and he thinks it's all he can get.
Beta: isuzuchan44, help from outofthewild
Author Notes: Started this last night, finished it today. Nothing much, just some lolplotline and lolporn, neither of which are very decent. This is in part for laughingweathr, because we had a conversation about adorable Ryan and Brendon wanting him. And outofthewild motivated me to actually do this last night, so ty girls c:
Wordcount: 2404

Brendon looks into Ryan’s sleeping face in front of him. He had fallen asleep on the other side of the bed, but he got up and went in front of Ryan so he could look at him. He brushes Ryan’s bangs to the side and plants a small kiss on Ryan’s lips. He murmurs in his sleep and cuddles closer to Brendon’s warm body, causing the younger boy to stifle a moan.

“Mmm Ry,” he mumbles into Ryan’s neck, deeply inhaling the smell of his hair and skin. He makes another small groan in his throat and finds himself wrapping his arms around Ryan to bring him closer.

“You’re so fucking cute, Ross,” he whispers, stroking back the elder’s hair before falling back to sleep.

Spencer looks through the cracked open door, stirred by someone mumbling. He sees Brendon very curled into Ryan and he just shakes his head, closing the door all the way.

--

Ryan blinks, feeling much warmer than he did when he fell asleep. He tries to move, but his arms are wrapped around someone sleeping, and okay, what the fuck. He pushes whoever it is away from him roughly and widens his eyes.

The person rubs their eyes and looks up in a pout at Ryan. He rolls his eyes.

“Brendon, have you heard of personal space?” he asks, settling back down on a pillow. His pout deepens and he rolls over, facing the wall.

“Bren, I,” Ryan says, cut off by a series of whimpers. Ryan climbs over to Brendon’s side of the bed and nudges his shoulder. Brendon’s body stays still on the mattress and he grunts. Ryan pulls the plush duvet off of Brendon, frowning.

He turns his head back towards Ryan, his whole face the embodiment of a pout.

“Oh stop it,” Ryan says, smiling. Brendon’s pout ceases and he grins, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s shoulders.

“I loooove you,” he says, trailing kisses all over the sides of Ryan’s face. Ryan feels his face get warm at Brendon being Brendon.

“Oh my God Brendon, stop,” he giggles, pushing him off. Instead, he moves to Ryan’s neck, planting more playful kisses. Brendon gets to a little patch of skin under his ear and Ryan tries not to, but he lets out a stifled moan. Brendon tries not to return it, but he does. And he sits up.

“Um, sorry.” Yeah.

--

They go into the kitchen together, smelling blueberry pancakes being cooked.

“Ugh Spence, is that you? You better have enough for us,” Ryan mumbles, gravitating towards the coffee pot. He pours a mug and there Brendon is, all up in his space, his arms reaching around Ryan to prepare his own coffee. Ryan shoots him a look, but Brendon only smiles.

“Can someone get Jon?” Spencer asks, not even bothering to give Ryan a reply. Of course he is making breakfast for everyone. Brendon grabs Ryan’s unoccupied hand and pulls him down the hallway to Spencer’s room, where Jon slept last night. He and Brendon stayed at Ryan and Spencer’s last night, just because it was convenient.

“Dude, you even sleep naked when you’re sharing a bed?” Brendon asks, cocking an eyebrow at Jon, who is barely covered by a blanket. Jon sits up, the blanket slipping even further down his hips at the action.

“Oh, uh, yeah…” he says quietly, dipping his head down before getting out of the bed to look for clothes. Brendon quirks his eyebrow further.

“Are you red, Walker?” he asks. Jon glares at him, pulling on a pair of sweatpants. He pushes past Brendon and walks out of the door, quickly joining Spencer in the kitchen.

Ryan follows Jon to the kitchen, completely ignoring his and Brendon’s conversation as he sips his coffee. Spencer’s face visibly brightens when he sees Jon. Brendon looks at them, still curious. He’s not going to jump to conclusions, no. Why would he do that?

Spencer starts putting the pancakes on four plates, handing Jon his first.

“What the hell, you gave Jon the best two pancakes!”

“Did not.”

“Actually, yeah you did,” Ryan interjects, frowning at his half-burnt pancakes. Brendon smiles triumphantly.

“Does it even matter?” Jon asks, already halfway done with his first pancake. “I’m going to be eating these two, anyway.” Brendon frowns and sits next to Spencer, reaching for the syrup.

“God Brendon, I can’t believe you put syrup on blueberry pancakes,” Ryan says, frowning.

“It’s because I’m extra sweet, unlike you, Ryan Ross,” Brendon replies, sticking out his tongue.

“You sure don’t seem to mind,” Ryan adds, smirking as he chews on a forkful. It’s Jon and Spencer’s turn to quirk eyebrows.

--

A few days pass. Ryan can’t help but think about Brendon’s lips on his neck, and shit, he just blames it on not being laid in so long. So long as in like, a few months, but still, so long. He groans and Spencer knocks on his door.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Spencer asks, sitting down on Ryan’s bed next to him. Ryan shoots him a glare but rolls over anyway, the duvet poof-ing underneath him.

“Long day.”

“It’s more than a long day. You’ve been like this for days. I don’t know, since the day Jon was over, I think,” Spencer says, cocking an eyebrow.

“How do you always look so damn sassy, Spence?” Ryan mumbles, arm over his eyes.

“Ryan. What’s wrong?”

“Look, okay, I don’t know. Brendon was all, God, just fucking all over me when he was here. I woke up and he was freaking attached. And then he started kissing me- you know, Brendon kisses?- and I just, what the fuck.” Spencer scratches his thick stubble to hide a smile.

“Oh.” Ryan looks at him, raising an eyebrow. “Then I guess you won’t be glad to know that I invited Jon and Brendon over to watch a movie tonight.” Ryan groans.

“Fuck you,” he says, throwing a pillow at Spencer, who narrowly escapes through the door.

--

Ryan groans. Brendon is all up in his space, head in his lap, and okay, maybe he doesn’t really mind, but still, why?

Only another two hours of Jon and Spencer cuddling and feeling awkward as hell. Right? Maybe.

“Ryan,” Brendon whispers, humming against Ryan’s thighs. He glances down and gives him a look.

“What?”

Brendon beckons him closer with a finger. Closer. A little bit closer. When Ryan’s seriously about an inch away from Brendon and about to sit up and forget it, Brendon leans up and kisses him lightly. Ryan freezes for a moment before quickly sitting back up.

“Fuck you,” he grumbles, lacing his fingers through Brendon’s hair again.

--

“I’m going to take a shower,” Brendon announces, taking one last handful of popcorn. Spencer gives him a ‘why-don’t-you-take-a-shower-at-your-own-apartment’ look and frowns. Brendon shrugs and walks off.

“Yeah, Ry, Jon and I are going to pick up some groceries. Him and Brendon are running low, too,” Spencer says, turning the DVD player and TV off with the remote. He starts walking to his room and Jon gives a nod, following.

Ryan acknowledges them and looks down at his spindly fingers. He walks a few feet to pick up a guitar and he sits back down, strumming a few chords and singing to himself. Ryan glances out the window to see streetlights, the sun having gone down a few hours ago. Spencer walks by and mouths to Ryan that he’s borrowing a scarf, to which Ryan frowns. Jon gives a wave, and then the two of them are gone.

Ryan sighs and sets down the guitar, already bored, and plops down face-first on the couch. He listens to the constant thrumming of water against the shower in the next room over.

He hears something else. Is Brendon singing? No, it doesn’t sound like… oh. Ryan’s face flushes and he sits up. He shouldn’t be hearing this. Why his shower?

He can’t help it. Ryan walks across the room on his tiptoes (as if Brendon would hear him) and presses his ear against the wall of the shower. The carpet feels coarse and plush, and suddenly uncomfortable under his feet. Brendon lets out a string of choked curses, though Ryan still can’t hear very clearly.

In a daze, Ryan notices that he’s getting hard. What the fuck.

“R-ryan, fuck.” Ryan’s eyes widen. Did he hear that? A whimper and a sharp gasp follow, and a few seconds later, the water shuts off. Ryan scrambles to his feet and runs to his room, not exactly knowing where else to go right now.

And fuck he’s hard, why? Okay, he knows why, because Brendon fucking Urie was just moaning his name in the shower, and it would be a lie if Ryan said it wasn’t one of the hottest things he’s ever witnessed in his life. He palms himself through his pinstripe pants, adjusting himself, hoping he’ll calm down in the next minute or so. There’s no fucking way.

His face burns even more when he hears the doorknob open, and a towel-clad Brendon walks out of the bathroom. He turns and sees Ryan, his cheeks getting a little redder. Even so, Brendon walks into Ryan’s room, laying on his bed with a content smile on his face.

“Hey Ry,” he mumbles, reaching for Ryan’s hand.

“Brendon, I, um.” Heard you. I heard you, Brendon. Getting off thinking about me.

Brendon quirks an eyebrow. Then his body stills.

“Oh, fuck. I uh, Ryan, I can explain, um,” Brendon mumbles, quickly getting off the bed.

“N-no, don’t, Brendon,” Ryan says, grabbing Brendon’s wrist. He turns to look at Ryan, a real pout on his blushing face. “Brendon, um…”

“Look, okay, I’ll just go. I didn’t… I didn’t mean it, I don’t know, just, uh,” Brendon stutters, trying to shake his wrist from Ryan’s grip.

“No. I want…” Ryan starts, biting his lip. Brendon’s frown deepens and his eyebrows furrow. “Fuck, Brendon, I want you. So Goddamn bad, please,” Ryan says softly, nervous. Brendon’s face goes blank.

“There’s no way.” Ryan starts unbuttoning his shirt, trying to show Brendon that yes, there is a way. Brendon gets back on the bed, stilling Ryan’s hands. He cranes his neck slowly, closing the gap between his and Ryan’s lips. He moans when Ryan’s mouth moves with his, hungrily licking inside.

“Fuck, you kissing me back is the best,” he mumbles, bringing his hips down to grind against Ryan’s. Ryan opens his eyes and looks at Brendon.

“What?” Brendon stills. He fidgets, sitting up, rambling about how Ryan looks really great when he’s asleep, and God, he’s liked Ryan for so long, and he smells so good. “Holy shit, you’ve kissed me when I’m asleep before?”

Brendon gives an exasperated expression. “I’m so sorry, Ryan, I don’t even know.”

“Why the hell hadn’t I noticed sooner? Fuck Brendon,” Ryan says, anchoring his arms at Brendon’s hips. He smashes his lips into Brendon’s, reveling in the smell of his own shampoo in Brendon’s hair. He arches his back to undo his pants, slipping them off quickly, Brendon watching with an amazed expression.

Ryan’s naked in front of him before he reaches to take off Brendon’s towel, then kicking the duvet off the bed.

“I have… no words,” Brendon says, watching Ryan coat his own fingers in saliva, whimpering around them. He brings his fingers to his entrance and pushes inside without hesitation, working himself open easily. Ryan moans, hips rocking back against his bony fingers, all four of them already inside.

“Brendon, come on,” Ryan says, taking out his fingers and bringing his mouth to Brendon’s cock, slicking it in saliva. Brendon whimpers, unbelievably hard for just getting off in the shower, awestruck by Ryan’s hollowed cheeks. As soon as his mouth appeared, it’s gone, and Brendon finds himself gasping at the lack of sensation.

He lines himself up, Ryan’s legs wrapped around him, urging him forward. It’s going in such a blur, he can’t even believe it.

“Wanted you so long,” Ryan chokes as Brendon presses inside.

“How the hell do you act like you don’t want it?” Brendon mumbles against Ryan’s neck, bottoming out with a moan. Ryan has little tears in the corner of his eyes, the burning sensation overwhelming.

“I didn’t know,” Ryan whispers huskily, guiding Brendon’s hips back, ready for more. Brendon sets an easy pace, feeling slightly over-stimulated, but it’s not bad. His hair sticks to his forehead, clean and already wet from his shower. Ryan can’t stay still underneath him, fingers clutching his back, alternating to his chest.

“Stop,” Ryan pants, unwrapping his arms from Brendon. Ryan pushes Brendon down on the bed, positioning himself in his lap. Brendon’s mouth forms an ‘O’ and he puts his hands securely on Ryan’s hips, guiding him down, back onto his cock.

He feels impossibly hot as Ryan lets out obscene noises, bouncing in his lap. Ryan anchors his hands on either side of Brendon’s neck, groaning in frustration, though his face shows nothing short of ecstasy. He slows himself, raising until Brendon is barely still inside before slamming back down, his vision fizzling at the edges as he gasps.

Brendon looks at him and just fuck. He almost loses himself, continuing to meet Ryan’s hips in thrusts. Ryan leans down to sputter something.

“Touch me,” he moans, and Brendon can hardly believing Ryan is saying this to him. He obliges, though, feeling Ryan’s muscles grow tight. He slips a hand between them, barely getting in a few flicks of his wrist before Ryan’s gasping again, spilling across their stomachs. Brendon hasn’t felt it so much before, but as Ryan’s ass clenches around him he realizes how close he is.

Ryan continues, acting as if he never came, waiting for Brendon to finish inside of him. He closes his eyes, meeting Ryan’s hips once more and hears Ryan’s groan before his own.

“Ryan, Ryan,” he mutters, the thin frame collapsing on top of him.

“Bren, I,” he says softly, kissing him.

“Oh.” Ryan’s head whips around to see Spencer and Jon in the doorway.

“Well, Brendon,” Jon says, frowning. Spencer rolls his eyes, again, and shuts the door.

“Did you hear them get back?”

“Pff, no,” Brendon whispers, laying Ryan down at his side. They pause. “Do I still have to wait until you’re asleep to kiss you?” Brendon asks sheepishly.

“Nope,” Ryan mumbles against his jaw.

end

Who remembers these guys?

2009-11-01T19:13:33Z

Ahh, me. Maybe I should repost these to tumblr one day.

July 11th
*
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July 11th (2)

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July 12th

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July 18th

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July 19th

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July 19th (2)
*
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July 22nd

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August 3rd

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*= the best

And aww, that's all.
Gonna go do some homework.

Everybody Scream (Rydon/Joncer)

2009-10-30T19:34:57Z

Title: Everybody Scream
Author: coldmero
Rating: G-PG
Pairing: Rydon, Joncer
Summary: There's something going on with the boys, and I think Ryan is rotting.
Beta: outofthewild, isuzuchan44
Author Notes: I make such interesting titles. And plots. Title/cut from It's Almost Halloween -patd. Duh. This is a dumb little Halloween fic, but idk, it's cute. Posting this and probably going to sleep. Happy (almost) Halloween.
Wordcount: 869

“Spencer, you smell horrible,” Brendon said pinching his nose between two skinny fingers. Spencer growled (growled?) and gave him a scowl.

“Have you been anywhere near Ryan? He’s fucking rotting, Brendon, and it’s disgusting.” Brendon glared and shook his head, snaking his tongue over his teeth.

“Ryan smells fine.” Jon whipped his head around and laughed.

“No, no he doesn’t, Bren,” he said smiling.

“You’re green.”

“I’m aware.”

Brendon gave the two of them one last sneer before going to find Ryan.

--

Honestly, it was two hours before the Halloween party being held at Ryan’s house. Again. Like it always was. And actually, keeping the tradition, both Spencer and Brendon were over. Which was great until things started getting… bad?

First they had noticed Jon was getting a little green, and he’d not put on makeup yet. Brendon bit his tongue, Spencer started growling, and Ryan started… decaying.

It was weird. But honestly, what could they do?

--

“Ry?” Brendon asked, peering around corners in the hallways. He heard a soft groan from Ryan’s bedroom and quickly walked up to the door. He opened it.

“Ryan?” Brendon said softly, seeing him lying down on his bed. Ryan made another grunt in acknowledgment and Brendon laid down.

“Brendon, I look so freaky,” Ryan whispered.

“Jon is green.”

“I know.”

Brendon shrugged and slung an arm around Ryan’s waist. He visibly stiffened underneath the touch and Ryan turned towards Brendon.

He was right. His cheeks were very sunken, his skin looked tight… he kind of just looked like an addict, more so than a mummy. Not that Brendon had ever seen a mummy, or a living one at that.

“What the fuck, Brendon?” he whispered, finally relaxing and letting Brendon pull him closer.

“I don’t know,” he whispered against Ryan’s neck. It was kind of gross. But it was Ryan.

Ryan stiffened again and Brendon looked into his face. He was nervous.

“Bren, I…” He stopped. Ryan brushed his lips against Brendon’s, barely there. Brendon blinked. He leaned back to where Ryan was hiding his face and kissed him.

--

“Spencer, this is freaky,” Jon said frowning. He looked up and saw Spencer, still sulking. He made a grunt.

“Spence, what’s up?” Jon asked as he walked over to where Spencer was laying.

“Brendon is dumb,” he said, peering up at Jon. Jon straddled Spencer’s hips, causing him to squirm.

“J-jon, get off of me,” he whined, his hands pushing against Jon’s chest. Jon took the opposing hands and twined them in his own.

“I don’t think you smell,” he whispered, kissing Spencer’s jaw through rough stubble. Spencer stopped fighting in favor of putting his hands on either side of Jon’s face.

Their lips connected. Jon relaxed and slid his body more on top of Spencer’s, arms loosely around his neck.

--

The party happened. With no surprise, the four boys accepted compliments on how great their costumes were all night. Keltie and Ryan talked face to face for the first time in months, and maybe Ryan even smiled a little. Mid-party, Ryan rejoined Brendon, Spencer, and Jon in picking the playlist for the rest of the night.

Brendon almost bit Z when she and Alex swung through the doors, late. Spencer put an arm around him to calm him, and they both quickly made their way out back to sit. Jon joined them, and then so did the other three. After fifteen minutes or so, Z and Alex got up to drink. They didn’t see them the rest of the night. Brendon didn’t mind.

Pete kissed Brendon on the cheek right in front of Ryan, who groaned in protest. Brendon smirked. Spencer and Jon stayed out back most of the party. It wound down and everyone left around three in the morning.

Spencer and Jon nonchalantly made their way to Jon’s room and locked the door, Brendon and Ryan doing much the same.

When they reached the bedroom, they removed their costumes. Ryan quickly went under the covers of his bed and Brendon joined immediately after. The light was turned off and he had his arms securely around Ryan’s neck as he nuzzled him. Either Ryan didn’t smell anymore, or he was used to it.

--

Brendon woke, Ryan in his arms. A baby face with smooth, firm skin slept in front of him, hair curling across his face. Brendon licked his teeth and smiled at their normalcy. Sun poured into the window and he smiled at it.

He leaned down and kissed Ryan roughly, rousing him from sleep. Ryan blinked open his eyes and pushed against Brendon softly. He yawned and scratched his face. He froze when he saw Brendon. Then he relaxed, remembering yeah, Brendon… Brendon was over. He froze again when he felt teeth skating across his neck.

Brendon licked and nibbled at the skin, no longer grossed out in the slightest. Ryan squirmed a little and raked his hands across Brendon’s back.

He bit him. Ryan stopped moving. He stayed like that until Brendon laughed.

“We’re normal,” he said, kissing lightly at Ryan’s bottom lip.

“Was it all a dream?” Ryan asked softly, a lazy smile spreading across his features.

“It was only Halloween.”

end

coldmero @ 2009-10-24T14:38:00

2009-10-24T18:44:32Z

(photoset @ tumblr)

Took a few photos today. It's really nice out.
Trying to write. Help?

to harass you all

2009-10-17T04:17:00Z

http://twitpic.com/lu04u

Bloom (Rydon)

2009-10-14T03:25:46Z

Title: Bloom
Author: coldmero
Rating: G-PG
Pairing: Soft Rydon
Warning: Character death (though it's really NOT horrible and depressing)
Summary: One of the boys has leukemia. His body is rejecting treatment, but he's not done when he dies.
Beta: just gonna say outofthewild
Author Notes: Another one-sitting fic. Not sure if I'm ridiculously happy with this one, but I'm content. There is a death, but I promise, it's not depressing. Lyrics in fic - All My Loving - The Beatles
Wordcount: 948

Ryan looks down at the thin, completely bald frame past his arms, hearing the faint beeping of a heart monitor in the back of his mind. Where once there were long, girlish eyelashes, there are only small pores. His face is entirely clean; his facial hair has long since fallen out. Even so, his eyebrows, though only smooth skin, still show his bold change in expressions.

Ryan holds one hand in his own, softly rubbing his fingers over the frail skin. Spencer and Jon, on the other side of the hospital bed, are sharing the remaining hand. They shoot each other small, sad looks, and exchange little kisses. Shane stands next to Spencer and Jon, rubbing small circles in Brendon’s shoulders.

Brendon blinks, his bare eyes still a vibrant coffee-brown, reflecting the color his hair used to be.

“Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,” Ryan says softly as he begins leaning down. Brendon lets out a full smile, happily kissing back. He continues the song.

“Tomorrow I'll miss you,” Brendon whispers against the lips. “Remember, I’ll always be true.”

The beeping that used to be in the back of Ryan’s mind is now brought to focus. It’s slowing down, getting louder. Ryan scrambles back into his seat, looking Brendon full in the face. His expression is soft, lazy, eyes slowly drooping.

Jon’s head shoots up to look at Ryan, as does Shane’s and Spencer’s. Without a single word, Shane presses the ‘call’ button frantically, all of them noticing Brendon’s sudden change in face.

Ryan can’t hear much, but he sees Brendon’s hand beckon to him to bring his face closer. Ryan does so quickly, beginning to shake.

“And then while I'm away.” Ryan almost wants to yell at Brendon, but instead he hovers his lips above the other’s. “I'll write home every day,” Brendon says weakly, his last breath, raising himself the centimeter to brush Ryan’s lips again.

Emergency rushes into the room, quickly rousing the four boys out. Ryan doesn’t know when he started crying, but he is now, and he’s being pulled out of the hospital room.

He gets one last glimpse at Brendon’s face, and catches the mouthed, “And I'll send all my loving to you.”

--

So leukemia kills Brendon, in the long run. It was a horrible thing to watch, to go through, if you knew him. One day he’d be able to run around and be just like usual, but the next, after a treatment or otherwise, he would be sluggish, barely able to move. He lived with Ryan, so Ryan would help him around on rough days.

A week ago, though, Brendon’s body severely rejected the therapy, sending him straight back to the hospital. Ryan, Spencer, Jon, and Shane had basically lived at the hospital until yesterday.

Ryan wakes in degrees, tightening his eyes closed, stretching, scratching his hair, and going to swing his arm across the body that wasn’t there. He stops himself, remembering. Brendon died.

A few tears prickle the back of Ryan’s eyes and he whines, sitting up quickly. He actually had a good sleep the previous night, unlike countless others before. He had just been too exhausted to keep rolling around and thinking.

He’s not hungry. He gets out of bed, anyway, and walks towards the kitchen.

Ryan prepares breakfast (for only himself, though he was used to that from the times where Brendon wouldn’t eat). Turn dial, cut butter, crack an egg, crack another egg, put bread in the toaster, flip the eggs, turn the dial back, get out the toast, butter the toast, sit down. He looks at his food silently, playing with it for a few minutes.

He manages an egg and a piece of toast, but throws the rest in the garbage. Ryan hears his phone ring on the counter and picks it up without checking who it is.

“Hello?” he asks, standing to look out the window, his view obstructed by a flower pot that Brendon bought years ago. It never bloomed, but Brendon insisted on keeping it there. He’d fight back with ‘but it’s so pretty!’ and ‘what if one day it grew?’.

“Ryan, hi. Are you… alright?” It’s Spencer. Ryan nods, knowing the other line can’t hear it.

“Yeah, I’m, uh, fine.” Spencer starts talking about coming over later, and Ryan agrees, desperately wanting the company. They hang up, exchanging ‘love you’s and cracking voices.

Ryan gets over to the couch and lies down. He just wants to sleep.

--

He’s awoken by knocking and he falls off the couch, startled. Ryan gets up to the door and turns the knob, Spencer throwing his arms around his neck instantly. They cry. They shut the door and move to the couch and cry some more. They talk, they cuddle, and they contemplate watching a movie.

But eventually, they both realize they’ve not eaten over a thousand Calories in days, and Spencer weakly helps Ryan to the kitchen.

Spencer gets out celery, carrots, and onions from the bottom drawer in the refrigerator. He puts them on the cutting board that Ryan had preset and hands Ryan the knife to start chopping. Spencer goes to the pantry to get out the chicken stock and a pot to put on the stove, but he’s interrupted by the sound of metallic clattering.

And then while I’m away.

His head whips back to see Ryan, his expression overwhelmed. He mouths Spencer’s name and points to the small, always barren pot on the window sill.

I’ll write home everyday.

Coming out of it is a cape daisy, the center the exact color of Brendon’s eyes, the corresponding petals an uncharacteristic bright yellow.

And I’ll send all my loving to you.

end

So it Seems (Rydon)

2009-10-06T22:54:35Z

Title: So it Seems
Author: coldmero
Rating: G-PG
Pairing: Soft Rydon
Summary: Brendon would be the first to speak.
Beta: none
Author Notes: Wrote this in between loads of algebra homework last night around 12am. I probably missed some stuff, messed up some lyrics, whatever. I didn't even proofread once- I have to leave for a football game, uh, now. This was just kind of to get my mind off of things.
Wordcount: 514

Ryan Ross did not reply to tweets, or anything else for that matter, unless they were from Jon, Alex, Michael, Z, or any of his other hipster friends. Unless it’s a holiday, because people like, expected him to do stuff like that.

And it had been months. Months and months and months.

So Ryan was home. And his phone buzzed in his pocket, causing him to look at the Macbook’s screen in front of him. He refreshed and deadpanned when he saw one of the elusive, but not unheard of, unprovoked @replies from Brendon. He pursed his lips as he looked at the link, deciding whether or not to click it. He did, and was redirected to that wimp.com thing Brendon liked so much recently. Not that Ryan noticed, no. Because he hadn’t. Really.

He waited for it to load and drummed his fingers nervously on the side of Jon’s laptop. He heard a deep purr behind him and looked to see Ringo prowling towards his feet. Ryan sighed and picked him up, scratching him softly behind cream colored ears.

Ryan didn’t notice the video start.

Gentle chords played through the speakers, and Ryan cocked an eyebrow. He dropped the cat, and suddenly, the chords gained familiarity.

“Things are shaping up to be pretty odd”

Ryan choked, looking at the screen.

“Little deaths in musical beds”

Brendon was playing one of Ryan’s old acoustic guitars, singing quietly to the webcam. He was frozen.

“So it seems I’m someone I’ve never met”

Ryan was awed, actually hearing the words he wrote. He looked through the screen at the more than familiar face. The face he hadn’t seen in person in months. Months and months and months.

“And everybody gets their, everybody gets their; and everybody gets their way”

His hair was shorter now, his freckles not noticeable through the poor video quality.

Jon walked into the room, the recognizable melody drawing him in.

“Ryan…” he said, looking at the younger, smaller man.

“Things have changed for me”

Ryan realized he was crying and just looked up at Jon, not knowing what to do.

“and that’s okay”

Jon stepped over swiftly, planting a small kiss to Ryan’s forehead and leaning over to take control of the computer.

“I wanna go where everyone goes”

After a few clicks that Ryan couldn’t follow, a program was opening. GarageBand.

“I wanna know what everyone knows”

Jon brought up the video of Brendon again, putting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder for a second before taking it back.

“I wanna go where everyone feels the same”

Jon then picked up a familiar, worn guitar from the wall. Brendon’s. He propped it up on Ryan’s chair and left the room.

“Things have changed for me, and that’s okay
I’m on my way, and I say
Things have changed for me.”

--

Brendon was startled when his phone beeped in the early hours of the morning. He was more startled when he saw it was something from Ryan. He pressed the URL with his thumb.

“If all our life was but a dream”

end

icon tag+tumblr

2009-09-24T23:10:07Z

Hey guys, I recently got a tumblr, so if you have one, comment me what it is and I'll totally follow you.

And now for a tag/meme:
Thanks to emmyatthedisco for picking these for me♥

1. If you want to do this, comment asking for me to pick some of your icons
2. Make an entry in your own journal and talk about the icons I picked

Smells like rape
Well, after this picture was posted in failross , I just had to make it into an icon. It seriously slays me. I have so many icons I'd love to use for this tag (because I recycle tags), but this... this one's sticking for a while.

DNW
Seriously, look at Brendon's face. I've also got a lot of icons I could use for this tag, but good lord this Brendon is just precious. I have an Alex Greenwald icon with a similar face (below), but I just have to have both of them.

What
I love having an AGreenwald icon, and in short, this is one of his best faces ever.

Pout
How can someone resist a pouty Bden like this? The full picture is fantastic as well, as he's all bundled up in blankets. Sometimes Brendon's face nngh.

Pleased
Ryan's facial expressions, when like this, completely amuse me. I don't know how he does it, because he looks like such a doofus, but it's adorable at the same time. I also like the surprise lioness directly right of his sunglasses.

Bitch please
I have tons of icons to fit this tag, but I feel that it always just has to be a picture of Spencer. Because you know, Spencer's 'Seriously?' face is just one of the greatest things in the world. (next to his smile)

This is a great way to waste time.
♥

Change of Pace (Rydon, Joncer, Valdwald)

2009-09-24T01:37:44Z

Title: Change of Pace
Author: coldmero
Rating: NC-17/R
Pairing: Rydon, Joncer, Valdwald (Shane Valdez/Alex Greenwald)
Summary: It's raining outside. The band is split, the boys are fine (maybe Jon and Spencer a little more fine than the other two). Ryan and Brendon both go out, and maybe they see each other.
Disclaimer: Didn't happen. Not my boys. Just my story.
Beta: none
Author Notes: Wow, this thing took a lot from me. idek. Really special thanks to outofthewild, because she totally saved me about a third of the way through with this. I was having a really hard time plotwise and had her look it over... so thanks, girl. A lot. But anyway, I'm pretty pleased with this. Very pleased I'm finally done with it. Enjoy. Oh, and chances are until I beta this, there are stupid mistakes in the second half cos I didn't get to reread that far.
Wordcount: 9,051

“Some people never change…” Brendon mumbles, watching the rain pour down the window. He knows the single by heart; he can catch some of Ryan’s breaths in between lines (the song isn’t recorded in the best quality- Brendon knows it’s for the effect), and he breathes with them. He warms up with the song everyday. Spencer doesn’t frown. He furrows his eyebrows a little sometimes, but at others he smiles softly. It’s because of the sides of Ryan and Jon that the two of them know and love. They’ll never really be out of the band, not with all the inspiration they’ve left.

Even so, Brendon wonders if Ryan has listened to New Perspective. He remembers reading the interview where he stated he hadn’t heard any of Brendon and Spencer’s music- even though they had released a demo a few days before. He wonders if he was lying, or if he was serious. He wonders which hurts more. He wonders if it really hurts at all.

Maybe Ryan doesn’t have as much time to burn as Brendon does.

He rests his head on the cool glass and hears the door open downstairs along with a few yaps from their dogs. Spencer’s home. Shrugging a little to himself, he gets up and hops down the stairs to greet him.

Spencer glares under his soaked bangs and cloth headband, looking like a drowned rat. A man-sized, cuddly, drowned rat. Brendon can’t help but let out a hearty laugh before he starts helping Spencer undress. He’s so going to get a cold if they don’t hurry. The dogs bark at the dripping for a few seconds before scampering back off to do something else.

“You get caught in the rain, Spence?” Brendon asks, smiling dumbly.

“A little,” Spencer says with an annoyed tone, but he smiles. When they have him stripped down to his boxers- his suit jacket, tie, shirt, vest, and slacks on the ground, Brendon folds him into a warm, dry hug. He can feel Spencer smiling against his neck.

Releasing Spencer, Brendon plants a small, friendly kiss to his cheek before picking up his clothes to put in the washer/dry cleaning pile.

Brendon vaguely hears Spencer go upstairs and start the shower. Tossing the clothes in their respective piles, he stumbles to the nearest couch and runs a hand through his hair. He loves the rain, but he really loves the sun, too. Ryan doesn’t like the rain much- only on some occasions. Despite his appearance, he’s a sunny, warm-weather kind of person.

God, Brendon misses him. He isn’t really sad over the break-up anymore. It was kind of a relief. They could officially work on different music and finally become close as friends again. Even though they hadn’t really talked since the fourth of July, he could feel the tension diffusing. It was relaxing.

And Brendon had Spencer and Spencer had Brendon. Their relationship was nothing to gawk at- they were really close friends right now and they comforted each other. They were both missing Ryan and Jon, and they needed each other. It was entirely innocent.

--

Spencer stands in the path of the hot water and mumbles, closing his eyes. He slips his fingers through his hair and sighs the name on his tongue. He thinks about the last time he talked to him, Jon, only a few days ago. It had been nice. They were getting on a little more comfortably than Ryan and Brendon are. Then again, they weren’t volunteering to Ryan or Brendon that they were talking to each other- they didn’t want the other two to leach off of their relaxedness and not actually talk things out with each other.

Squeezing shampoo into his hand, Spencer is relieved thinking about Ryan and Alex’s obvious friendship- he’s really glad Ryan’s at least kind of taking care of himself. And he’s pleased that Ryan’s happy.

He lets out a deep sigh as he massages his scalp. Coming home in the rain was very uncomfortable, and this was a great change of pace.

It’s all a pretty great change of pace.

--

Brendon glances over at the small fishbowl that holds two new goldfish he and Spencer bought last week. They named them Jon and Ryan, as a mild joke/comfort, so that they’d always be with them. Well, the fishbowl used to hold the two of them. Yesterday ‘Ryan’ ate ‘Jon’. Or at least they’re pretty sure that’s which one it is. They weren’t sure if they should laugh or if they should feel bad when they found out. But anyway, they are going to go to the pet store tomorrow and buy a new goldfish to name Jon II, and put in a separate bowl.

Peering out into the rain again, Brendon smiles. He wants to go out and feel it.

--

Ryan drums his fingers lazily on the window pane. He can hear Jon sprinkling cat food into bowls downstairs. Hobo barks, impatiently waiting for her own food, and Ryan hears louder clinks following, indicating dog food being poured. Marley follows suit and he can hear Jon telling him to shut up as he pours another bowl.

He likes the rain today. Maybe Brendon does, too. Spencer usually does- aside from the fact that it messes up his hair. And Jon just never really cares. Ryan thinks he likes it.

Ryan gets up from his seat near the window and walks over to take a look at his iPhone. Scrolling his finger down the new tweets, nothing really catches his attention. He puts headphones in his ears and plugs them into the phone to listen to the same song he’s been listening to since its release.

Brendon’s really not bad with lyrics- and Oh God, Ryan misses feeling that voice on his neck. Ryan remembers Brendon whispering some of these lyrics to him a year or two ago when he was having a hard time sleeping on tour.

He knows Brendon’s heard their song. He’s probably got it memorized more than Ryan does himself. And he’s sure Brendon sounds better singing it, though said boy would disagree, insisting Ryan had the voice for it.

On a whim, Ryan stands and discards the plush velvet vest he’s wearing and leafs through his closet to pick out a cotton one. He slips it on and buttons it before grabbing a hat and a jacket.

“Jon, I’m going to go out,” he says as he walks into the kitchen. Jon quirks and eyebrow and then bobs his head in a nod.

“You leaving your phone here?” he asks, bending down to pick up an annoyed Clover, who is not done eating her food yet, Jon. Ryan’s eyes widen a little with surprise. He hadn’t really thought about it.

“Yeah. I’ll be alright,” he says, glancing over at Hobo and Marley, eating next to each other. Jon grunts in response and waves.

Ryan reaches for a scarf on the rack by the door and quickly wraps it around his neck. He opens the door and is instantly surrounded by the heavy, moist air accompanying the rain. He inhales it and shoves his hands in his pockets, walking to the park.

--

Jon leans on the counter, listening to their pets eating after Ryan closes the door. He still wonders when he and Brendon will make progress towards each other again- though they aren’t upset, they certainly aren’t very comfortable. And he’s assuming Brendon is as eager to talk again as Ryan is.

He and Spencer had discussed it and they felt very pleased with each other. Though Spencer normally controls everything and Jon lets everyone manage things for him, they have a common understanding when it comes to social relationships. They both understand how each other works, and they’re happy with that.

Jon wants to see Spencer.

--

Spencer smiles to himself, turning off the water. It had been a very relaxing shower and he thinks he’s going to go take a nap with Dylan and maybe Indie and Bogart (probably all three) on the couch after he’s dressed. He breathes in the steam and sighs, feeling both tired and content.

--

Brendon writes a little note and puts it on the counter, telling Spencer that he went out. He bends down to pet Dylan. Shane’s not been home much recently. Bogart saunters up to Brendon with Indie, both of them whining. He laughs and pets them too before opening the front door and going outside.

He takes in a deep breath of the humid air and blinks at the rain falling in his eyes. Brendon loves how it looks outside when it’s like this- he never really saw rainy days as being gloomy or sad, they were just different.

And he just now realizes he’s not really sure where he wants to go. But after two blocks of walking in the rain and looking at the wilting grayish plants sticking out of sidewalk cracks, he decides he wants to get a cup of coffee to take with him. So he turns on his heel and walks into the Starbucks he had just passed, being greeted by bright lights and happy looking workers.

He walks up to the register and the boy who usually takes his order stammers “t-the usual, Mr. Urie?” Brendon smiles and nods, drawing a few bills from his wallet and glancing around the store. Here he gets treated… like, well, a celebrity. It’s still a weird thought to him.

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted when the cell phone of a girl he recognizes begins ringing behind the counter. She blushes profusely and averts Brendon’s gaze, the ringtone being New Perspective. He laughs lightly and watches as she picks up, quickly mumbling to the caller.

Waiting for his coffee and having already paid, Brendon sits down at a table facing the glass front. He watches the droplets lazily fall for a few moments before a tall figure walking across the street catches his eye. Whoever it is takes their time, alternating their gaze between the sidewalk and the sky, never really looking straight ahead. He smiles fondly, being instantly reminded of Ryan, how he always looked at the past and the future, and hardly ever the present.

The person flicks their hair toward the storefront and Brendon’s jaw drops to the floor, his chair clattering behind him as he stands up. It hardly even registers that it’s him, but Brendon seems to know by reflex. His name is called from behind the counter and a few of the employees shoot frantic looks, wondering what caused the abrupt commotion.

He quickly picks up his chair, gets his coffee, and runs outside without even giving a thank-you, quickly drenched in the current downpour. Ryan is already out of sight and goddamn. Brendon starts running the direction Ryan was walking, and he doesn’t even care that he’s going to have lost half of his coffee by the time he finds him.

--

Spencer lounges on the couch comfortably after he snatches the note on the table. Snapping his fingers quietly, three excited dogs bound into the room and jump on him before settling down. Apparently, Brendon went out in the rain. He’ll be okay.

He closes his eyes for a few minutes, slowly stroking Dylan’s velvety ears. After a moment’s hesitation, he reaches for his phone on the coffee table, dialing Jon.

--

Jon tries busying himself for now. Though he doesn’t mention it, he never does, he’s just feeling kind of… shitty right now. He sits on the floor and feels like the house pet whisperer as the dogs and cats all come towards him. He pets Hobo’s muzzle, wondering how she even got here and when. Clover and Dylan rub up against his back and he smiles, leaning back into the wall. Ringo meows loudly at the lack of attention.

His cell phone rings in his pocket. He gets it out, quickly, looking at the number on the screen. He doesn’t pick up, because it’s Alex, and he can do without Alex right now.

He groans and puts the phone on the floor, massaging his temples with the palms of his hands. Marley whines and starts licking his foot, which causes Jon to quirk an eyebrow. His phone begins ringing again and he scowls before looking at the screen in vain.

But maybe it isn’t actually in vain, because he smiles this time and quickly picks up, pressing the phone to his ear eagerly.

--

Ryan walks slowly in the rain, wrapping around a few blocks on his way to the park. He closes his eyes and lets the comfortable grey sky block out for a moment as he just listens to and feels the rain. He passes a few store fronts; an out-of-business antique store, a small music store, a dimly lit ‘tobacco pipe’ store with tie-dyes hung in the window and pieces of the Beatles trailing through the door to be drowned in the rain.

He kind of wishes he had his dog with him. He always loved taking her out in the rain once she was old enough not to freeze half to death. Hobo loves splashing around in puddles (and drinking from them), and even more so it seems she likes the feeling of getting dried off afterwards. Ryan vividly remembers a time he and Bren took her out when it was raining like this, and when they got home the two of them stripped to their underwear and wrapped themselves, and Hobo, in towels and sat on Ryan’s bed. The lights in his room were warm, contrasting with the blue-grays coming from the window. And then Brendon had leaned in and brushed his warm lips against Ryan’s, their cold noses grazing.

It had been the kind of kiss where you can remember it in third person- like someone had captured a photograph of it. It was short and nothing much, but it had left them both feeling, needless to say, a little warmer. But actually, maybe it had been caught in photograph, because thinking back, Shane had appeared a few minutes later, grinning.

He looks at his shoes, notices the rain seeping in and probably ruining the leather. He remembers when he used to wear tennis shoes, and those wouldn’t matter if they got rained on. Spreading his view a little, he looks at the cracked and worn sidewalk that he’s been on so many times. Well, maybe so many is an exaggeration, but it’s been a good handful of times since he moved here.

The park is in sight when Ryan gazes upwards. He sighs and smiles, looking ahead at the sudden plush green trees wrapped by the old-fashioned fence. It’s one of the ones with a gate- but you know, they haven’t actually closed the gate in years, because that’s just too much effort for the people who work in the city.

He crosses the street briskly, barely noticing the splashes rewetting the bottom of his pants. He’s already pretty saturated, so he doesn’t mind much. Looking over to the swing set, Ryan turns and runs a little. He vaguely hears someone running and panting behind him, causing his head to whip around.

--

Jon pants lightly beside Spencer on his bed. Spencer softly wipes the sweat-covered bangs off of Jon’s forehead, causing him to make a small pleased sound in the back of his throat.

“God, Jon, you’re so great,” Spencer mumbles, pressing a kiss to his hair.

“God Spence, so is your bed,” he replies, smiling against Spencer’s neck. The rough stubble rubbing against his skin almost makes Spencer shiver. He wipes some sweat from his own forehead and laughs softly before bringing Jon’s body closer to his own and spreading a blanket over them.

--

Brendon pants, bending to put a hand on his knee, the other still holding the half-gone coffee.

“Ry…an,” he manages, looking up at the wide-eyed man in front of him.

--

It’s almost too perfect. But it can’t be too perfect, because the ‘too’ in that phrase implies an excess- and there is definitely not an excess of perfection in this situation. Ryan’s just amazed.

“Brendon,” he replies, his never-closed mouth hanging a little more than normal. “B-brendon!” he says happily, the familiarity in the boy making Ryan toss away awkward feelings.

He closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around Brendon’s waist, pressing his lips to the younger man’s temples. He feels Brendon tense in his arms before letting out a sigh and relaxing.

Brendon now realizes how cold he is, beginning to shiver and move closer to Ryan’s touch.

“I’ve missed you,” Brendon says softly, keeping his gaze at Ryan’s soft, scarf-covered neck. Ryan ceases the soft rubbing on Brendon’s back that he hadn’t even noticed till now and mumbles.

“I’ve missed you too…” he says quietly, unwinding his arms from Brendon and walking a few steps to sit on a swing.

Brendon pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and looks down at his coffee. He brings it to his lips, thank God it’s warm, and takes a long draft before taking his gaze back to Ryan. Ryan, who was looking at Brendon, quickly averts his eyes and looks at his feet, folding his hands in his lap.

Brendon walks over and takes the swing next to Ryan, extending his hand out between them. Without looking, Ryan takes it and laces his fingers with Brendon’s.

Hiding a smile, Brendon lifts his cup to his lips again and shoots a glance at an impossibly relieved looking Ryan.

“Have you heard my song?”

--

Jon rolls over to lay partially on Spencer’s chest as they watch the rain. He presses soft kisses to Spencer’s neck and collar bone, humming one of his songs. It was one that he actually wrote. And maybe Spencer was a little part of the muse.

Spencer sighs and twists his hand in Jon’s hair gently. Abruptly, a parade of dogs saunter into the room and jump on the bed, rousing Jon from Spencer’s chest.

Jon greets the dogs, talking softly and petting them, kissing their heads. Bogart happily licks Jon’s lips and Spencer quietly mentions something about Jon having to wipe his face before he’ll kiss him again.

At this, Jon turns his head and wiggles his eyebrows, leaning down to kiss Spencer anyway. Spencer sputters lightly at the still wet dog saliva, that’s gross Jon, but still puts a hand to his neck with the kiss. Smirking, Jon sits back up and gives Dylan a belly rub, Indie busy trying to annoy Spencer.

Spencer’s gaze, however, stays at Jon’s lower waist, just barely covered by the duvet. His eyes follow the trail of dark hair at his navel and he marvels at the curves of Jon’s torso. Jon brings a hand to scratch his stubbly face before laying back down with Spencer, the duvet now just below their hips and they both have a hard time looking away from each other.

Spencer blushes lightly, nuzzling Jon’s neck as he twines their legs together.

“I love you, Spencer Smith,” Jon whispers, nibbling on Spencer’s ear.

--

“I have,” Ryan says softly, hardly audible over the rain. Brendon sees Ryan’s downcast expression and squeezes his hand before releasing it, cupping it around his coffee for more direct warmth.

Brendon gives a weak glance, taking a sip of coffee.

“It’s great, I mean, Bren,” he adds, a little louder, kicking at the mulch.

“I’ve heard yours, too,” Brendon replies, a small grin forming. “Things, uh… going better?”

Brendon fidgets lightly, knowing he just had to ask.

“Yeah, Bren. A lot more… relaxed. Smoother. Getting done what we want to get done, you know? I’m assuming it’s the same for you and Spence,” he says, his doe eyes that always come when he talks about music looking into Brendon’s.

Brendon shivers, slowly getting even colder from the rain. And maybe Ryan’s glance is distracting.

“Oh yeah, things for Spencer and I are going great. I mean, we’re always… missing you and Jon’s influence, but you know, that’s just something to save for the future. Right?” Brendon asks giving a soft smile.

“Totally possible, dude. Jon and I are missing you guys a lot too. Even though we’re doing the music we “want”,” he air quotes, “it’s less full sounding. Less meaningful, too. It really does feel like a side project, even though it has the same amount of passion.” He laughs a little before continuing. “Jon and I always accidentally say ‘when Brendon sees this he’ll want to do this with the vocals’, or ‘Spencer would love to add some orchestration right here’.

“We always laugh when we catch it, because you know… we’re comfortable with the idea of going back, though we’re a little afraid of what you and Spence think about it. But Alex, Alex is so funny, he get’s real haughty sometimes when we reminisce too much.

“You say I can’t stand still; you haven’t seen Alex. He can’t stand still. So surprised Phantom Planet lasted as long as it did…” he trails off, smiling to himself. The wind and rain are picking up, so Brendon definitely didn’t catch all of that, but he smiles.

A quick gust of wind strews a little more rain in their faces, causing them to wince simultaneously. Brendon keeps his eyes closed and blows through his mouth lazily, shivering. He brings the cup to his lips and takes a tentative drink, feeling a headache set in.

Ryan looks at Brendon, gazes at how the droplets fall from his face and hair, at the darker shade of his clothes. At how even though most things are grayish, his lips are a full pink, and when his eyes were open, they were a bright amber.

Ryan undoes his scarf, the inside somehow still warm and dry, and wraps it around Brendon’s neck.

Brendon’s eyes shoot open at the touch and he whimpers lightly when Ryan’s fingers brush his neck. Ryan tightens the scarf around Brendon and smiles at him. Without thinking, Brendon takes a bit of the warm cloth and brings it to his nose, deeply inhaling Ryan’s scent. He lets his eyes slip shut and he hums softly.

The whole ‘confronting each-other’ thing was ridiculously painless.

Brendon opens his eyes again and beams at Ryan, curling his fingers in the scarf comfortably. Ryan reaches down and brushes Brendon’s fingers, taking the coffee. He tilts his head back and finishes it off, greatly appreciating how it feels in his body.

Ryan walks over to a trash can, and when he turns around, Brendon’s arms are around him and lips are quickly pressed to his. Ryan can’t help but moan, Brendon stroking the sensitive spot on the back of his neck.

“Bren, Bren,” he mumbles. But Brendon’s lips are ice cold and his forehead is a little too warm, so Ryan pulls away. “Are you alright?”

Brendon’s teeth chatter and he nods. Ryan smiles a little in disbelief.

“You should get home, Bren,” Ryan says quietly. “You can keep my scarf.”

“Sure, sure,” he says, sniffling. He pauses for a moment and looks at Ryan.

“You... want to do something later?” Ryan asks cocking and eyebrow. The ends of Brendon’s lips curl slightly and he mouths ‘surprise me’.

With a last kiss to Ryan’s lips, Brendon turns on his heel towards his flat, thoroughly satisfied. He shakes a little, though.

--

“So I wonder how the boys are,” Jon says sleepily looking at Spencer. He nods in agreement, rubbing Jon’s neck softly. Jon moans, and he’s sure Jon knows exactly where it went, but Spencer can’t bring himself to care right now, snuggling closer. Jon wiggles his eyebrows at the extra contact, earning him a bitchy look from Spencer, followed by a wide grin. He tucks Jon’s head under his chin and sighs.

“I think they’re going to be fine. As soon as they talk for more than a few minutes, it will all be resolved, you know?” Spencer mumbles into Jon’s hair.

“Yeah, they’re like that, aren’t they?”

--

Brendon walks up the stairs in the apartment building slowly, shudders and coughs coming more frequent. He buries his face in the scarf, smelling what could only be described as Ryan (thought vanilla is a nice amount of that smell).

He looks vaguely at the carpet peeling away from the floor in one spot of the hallway. His hair drips into his eyes, his contacts getting blurry and overall uncomfortable.

He reaches the door to his flat and fumbles in his pockets before realizing he doesn’t have a key. Letting out a particularly violent line of coughs, Brendon starts knocking on the door weakly. Weakly doesn’t matter, though, because the first bark he hears is Bogart’s, light and excited, and then the greyhounds join in.

Brendon can hear Spencer cursing and talking to someone, and within a few seconds, a boxer-clad man opens the door.

“J-jon!” Brendon squeaks, pushing him in the doorway and enveloping him in a cold, wet hug. The dogs run around them in circles before diffusing back into the apartment.

“Whoa, whoa, Bren, I’m happy to see you too, but you’re soaking wet,” he says, pushing him off lightly. Jon begins helping Brendon undress- the first article to come off, the paisley brown scarf. Jon’s mouth twitches at the corners and he unwraps it, setting it on the counter. “Hang on, Bren.” Jon leans forward to peck Brendon on the lips and then scampers away to Spencer’s room.

So Spencer and Jon made up, too. Not surprising.

Brendon sneezes and tucks his fingers at the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and dropping it with the already discarded sweater. His pants come off (with effort) and he finishes by removing his soaked socks.

Brendon picks up the articles, sniffling, and puts them in the heap of Spencer’s clothes from earlier in the day. Indie leaps towards him and wags his tail, begging to be pet. Brendon smiles and leans down, rubbing his belly before remembering how cold he is with a sneeze.

He starts towards his bedroom.

--

“Spencer, they did exactly what we thought they might,” Jon purrs as soon as he enters Spencer’s room. Spencer cocks and eyebrow and pulls his head through a shirt before tossing one to Jon. Sudden realization crosses his face.

“You mean they like, saw each other? No way! How do you know?” Spencer giggles quietly, walking right into Jon’s extended arms.

“Bren came home in Ry’s favorite scarf.” Spencer claps a hand over his smile softly and nuzzles Jon’s neck.

“’s great,” he mumbles, molding his lips with Jon’s. Jon slips into Spencer’s mouth, lapping at his tongue and humming happily. Spencer lets out a small moan and pulls away when the door opens.

“Uhm, Spence, can I borrow a shirt? And like, pants?” Brendon asks, sniffling. His nose is red and his eyes are a little glassy. Spencer turns from Jon and wraps his arms around Brendon’s bare waist, planting a kiss on his forehead.

“Yeah, sure. Why, though?” Brendon shrugs, coughing slightly. Spencer walks to the small closet and picks out an old pink shirt decked with a sparkly unicorn and a pair of sweatpants from high school. Brendon smiles and sniffles when he sees the choices. He loves sweatpants. And shirts with sparkles.

--

Brendon sniffles and rubs his nose, dragging the pants over his slightly damp boxers before pulling on the shirt. Jon watches with an amused look, seeming content. Brendon gives him a light scowl before going to Spencer’s bed and taking the duvet, wrapping it around himself.

“What are you doing, Bren?” Spencer asks, cocking an eyebrow. He gives a light glance to Jon, smiling. With a flurry of movement, he traps the boy in his arms and smothers him with kisses on his cheeks, and Jon joins, on the other side. Brendon’s face scrunches up and he tries to swat at them, but his arms are occupied in holding up the blanket.

“Stoppit,” he mumbles playfully, shaking his head. They put their arms around him in a hug before letting Brendon go off to do whatever he was previously. He sneezes.

Brendon mumbles softly as he drags his feet (and the duvet) on the floor, heading towards the large television and red couches. He stumbles a few times at the drag of the duvet. His feet feel the plush of the Oriental rug in front of the couch and he curls up on the vibrant red leather.

His hair is just thoroughly damp at this point, no longer dripping, but still uncomfortable. He shakes it and looks longingly at the Guitar Hero controllers on the floor, so far away. Luckily for Brendon, two superheroes are currently in the flat, one bringing him his iPhone, the other snuggling into his side, slinging a controller over his head while handing Brendon the other.

Spencer quickly sits next to Jon, watching them turn on the Wii with their controllers, sighing contently. Brendon checks his phone, scrolling through recent tweets, and nothing new really. Except one from Ryan mentioning it being a good rainy day. Brendon smiles and sets down the phone, settling for a few rounds of Guitar Hero.

--

Ryan groans as soon as he sees his and Jon’s house. That he is outside of. Without a key. And the Mercedes is gone.

He lets out a string of curses, stomping up the driveway. His hair is plastered to his face, his neck is cold, and it feels like his feet are one huge blister. He grumbles all the way across the little walkway, up the front steps, and to the glass outside door. Through the little window of the inside door, Ryan can see Ringo sleeping on his shoes.

With some helplessness, Ryan tries to open the glass door. It opens. He wedges himself under it, trying to open the front door. It does not open. Ryan pounds his fists on the door in frustration and sinks to the ground.

A few seconds later, a disheveled looking Alex opens the door frantically, wondering who the hell just pummeled the door. His face relaxes and he gazes down at Ryan. Ryan’s scowl diffuses and he finds himself grinning.

“Oh thank God, Alex,” Ryan says, too enthusiastic as he jumps up and pushes his way inside. Alex sighs and massages his temples.

“Fuck, Ry, I thought you were the cops or something. You totally made me flush a roach, no, it was totally full enough to consider a joint, and I wasn’t done with it. I mean, I know they don’t do much for weed, but God.” He blinks lazily, scratching his hair. Ryan definitely sees it on his face, now.

“Sorry. Why are you here, anyway?” Ryan asks, slowly peeling off his vest, aiming at Dylan before he tosses it. The cat jumps and glares at Ryan before stalking off to find Clover.

Alex looks at him blankly. “I, uh… I don’t know. I think I walked here, actually,” he says, giggling. Ryan rolls his eyes and works at his belt. Alex puts his warms hands on Ryan’s chest and helps him take his shirt off before wandering to the bathroom. Ryan shivers.

And then Ryan sees Shane stumble down the stairs, holding a terrified looking Clover. His green eyes look a little dull as he talks softly to the cat.

“You guys didn’t fuck in my bed, did you?” Ryan asks, eyes hard. Shane blinks and widens his eyes, looking at Ryan like he doesn’t belong there.

“W-what? Oh, hey Ry. No, we didn’t, I don’t think. No, no, we were in the guest room,” he mumbles, smiling lazily as he pets the cat. Ryan tries not to giggle, and before he has to reply, Alex is back with a towel. Ryan is proud of him for the linear thought process.

“Hey thanks, Alex. I’m uh… going to sleep for a little bit. Nice to see you two. Enjoy yourselves,” Ryan says quietly, still wondering why they’re at his house. He understands why they would be at Shane’s…. because, because Spencer and Brendon are there. But, you know, yeah. You know.

--

“Spencer,” Brendon whispers, clinging to his shirt. He lets out a soft dry sob as Spencer pets his hair back. Jon’s taking a short shower- laying around in the sweat and spunk from earlier was bothering him. Even Jon can be bothered to shower.

“Bren, Bren, it’s fine. You and Ry totally made up. I’m positive he’s just busy. It’s alright, I swear,” Spencer murmurs, holding Brendon close to his chest. Brendon relaxes a little, believing Spencer when it comes to Ryan. But the thing is, it’s like, nine, and Ryan hasn’t even called yet. Brendon rubs his eyes and sits up.

“Kay,” he mumbles, rolling himself in Spencer’s bed sheets, the duvet discarded on the couch after playing Guitar Hero. Spencer smiles at Brendon’s sudden ease.

The water squeaks shut and Spencer stands up, Brendon curling deeper into his bed. He looks at the dark blue hue of the room, rain still drizzling on the windows. Spencer clicks on a light and Brendon squints at the sudden yellow illumination. It doesn’t go far, but it’s there.

“I’ll be at Jon’s,” Spencer says, the ‘call me if you need me’ unspoken, but there all the same. Brendon mumbles an acknowledgement and looks impatiently at his phone. Shane just tweeted a picture of… Alex? That’s Alex. It’s really dark- not normally what he usually takes. And it has the grainy camera phone quality. He sighs.

Walking to the bathroom, Brendon fumbles through unorganized drawers in search of his contact case. He finds his red glasses next to the case, along with a dog toy and a few condom wrappers. He takes the glasses and contact case, leaving the rest for Spencer, because he is positive that the dog toy and condoms are not there on his accord.

He unscrews the little lids on the case and pours out the excess liquid, opening a medicine cabinet to get out a bottle. He squirts in fresh cleaning liquid and begins working at his left eye. The contact comes out easily, but Brendon can’t remember the last time he washed his hands, so his eye stings. Not caring enough to avoid this with his right eye, he repeats and closes the contact case, blinking out a few tears.

Brendon nudges the glasses up his nose and smiles at his reflection. He looks like he did a few years ago when he wears his old glasses. He hobbles back to Spencer’s bed and lies down, clutching his phone.

A few minutes pass and Brendon hears Spencer and Jon yell final goodbyes. He sighs and rolls onto his back. He tries to ignore the crusty spots on Spencer’s sheets. It’s really no big deal.

He brings the phone to his face and glares at it again, willing it to ring. When Camisado fills his ears, Brendon’s eyes soften.

--

Ryan wakes up to Eleanor Rigby blasting downstairs. And a slightly slurring Alex singing along; Shane giggling. He just sighs and rubs his eyes and ruffles his hair before stretching and cracking his back. Groaning a little, he cracks his neck and reaches for his phone.

Goddamn it’s nine-fifteen. He scrambles to his feet, hopping downstairs to eat something quickly. He glances at Alex and Shane, pleasantly high and buzzed, a bottle of amber liquid and two shot glasses next to them. Shane is still clutching poor, poor Clover and he gives a little nod to Ryan.

“Hey Ry,” Shane mumbles, Penny Lane now on the stereo.

“Jeez Lex, I thought you were more elitist than to listen to the single album,” Ryan mumbles, going off to the kitchen.

“Dun get me wrong, Ry, Shay jus’ doesn’t know a lotta the songs that aren’t singles,” he says, a slight furrow rising to his brow.

“Just teasing, Alex,” he mumbles, rattling through the empty cupboards, scowling. He checks the refrigerator and settles for reheating a piece of pizza. The microwave hums and Ryan takes the time to look at the lowering darkness outside. The rain continues to patter softly.

Oh. And he notices that his car isn’t there. Jon better come home. Ryan vaguely hears Shane explaining to Alex that cats are like, nothing like dogs. He can’t help but crack a smile at how goofy Shane is when he’s pleasantly high.

He pops open the microwave and leaves the pizza on the counter to cool, hopping up the stairs to get his phone. He stumbles on the stairs when he glances back to see Shane half naked, Alex on top of him. Not that he was expecting to see much else when they abruptly stopped talking. Shaking his head, he walks into his room and trips on a few things in the dark before finally getting to his phone.

Ryan sits on his bed, Marley bounding in from the hallway to cuddle up next to him. “Hey boy,” Ryan mumbles, petting him behind his ears. With his other hand, he nervously touches the screen of his phone, unlocking it and pressing the contacts button. He scrolls down a little until he reaches a contact named simply, ‘Bren’.

Taking a deep breath, he presses the contact and holds the phone to his ear. He can smell the sharp skunkiness of fresh smoke drifting up the stairs, and he swears to God he’s going to go down and kick Alex and Shane out right now, because if he’s not getting high in his house, they shouldn’t be either. But before he gets the chance, his phone stops ringing.

“Hey Ry,” Brendon breathes, clearly sounding happy. Ryan lays down on the bed, Marley stirring and taking that as Ryan wanting to be walked on.

“Bren,” he responds, followed by a grunt because the dog steps on his gut. “Marley, get off. Oh, uhm… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to come over tonight,” he says, heart sinking when he realizes it’s true. Brendon pauses.

“Why?” he asks softly.

“My car’s not here. It’s kind of a walk to your place, since it’s getting late.” He fidgets and pulls on a thread in his sleeve.

Brendon laughs on the other line. “Well you see, Jon and Spencer just left the apartment, in I’m assuming your car. So you know, you’ll have it in ten minutes or so.” Ryan deadpans.

“That’s where Jon took the Mercedes?” he groans, sitting back up. “B-but that’s great, I mean. I’m gonna go now, get dressed and stuff.”

“What’s the point?” Brendon asks. Ryan feels heat prickle at the bottom of his neck.

“So I’m not as indecent as Shane is in my living room right now,” Ryan replies softly, standing up to find some clothes.

“I’ll see you,” Brendon says, his smile leaking through the phone.

“Soon.”

--

Alex licks at Shane’s neck as Ryan closes the door. Alex briefly wonders where he’s going before getting distracted by the freckles on Shane’s face, and soon their lips are slipping back together.

Shane whimpers a little, pulling Alex’s hips down for contact, but he relaxes when Alex slides his tongue against his own. They both let out low, lazy groans. Shane brings his fingers to Alex’s collar and rakes them up his neck, causing Alex to moan and break from Shane’s lips.

Slowly, they unbutton his shirt and slide it off his thin frame. Shane takes it to his face and smells it, then looking at the small intricate flower pattern. Alex sighs and goes to the chest underneath him, licking and biting the contours softly. He feels a hand snake into his hair and sighs again contently, bringing his hands down to work on Shane’s pants.

--

Spencer looks over to Jon, his blue eyes brighter than most everything around them. Jon makes a noise and turns his head for a moment at a stoplight. They take the chance to lean casually over the armrest and exchange a gentle kiss. Spencer hums against Jon’s lips before pulling back, the light changing color.

“Is anyone at your house?” Spencer asks, putting a hand on Jon’s thigh, tracing small circles into the jeans.

“Other than Ry? Maybe Alex. I dunno,” he says easily. The car hums along with Spencer’s acknowledgement, and they begin making turns in the still darkening sky. Spencer likes looking at everyone’s taillights reflected in the rain, but he doesn’t voice it.

“’s pretty,” Jon mumbles, a smile twitching at his lips. Spencer brings a hand to Jon’s neck and begins massaging it, like Spencer knows he loves it. Jon lets out a few breathy moans and smiles lazily.

They turn into the driveway and see a thin boy waiting just outside the door, his head turning up at the headlights. He grins when he sees Spencer, and Spencer grins back.

Jon stops the car, leaving the keys in the ignition, and gets out.

“Hey Ry,” he says, giving a small wave before joining him by the door. Spencer quickly gets out of the car and walks over to Ryan, almost losing his footing on the slippery pavement. Before Ryan can get in a word, Spencer’s got his arms wrapped around his shoulders and his face in his neck.

Ryan hugs him back, kissing Spencer’s hair and mumbling, “It’s nice to see you.” Spencer hums and releases Ryan, tousling his hair before walking closer to the door. Spencer feels himself relax at the familiar orange glow of Ryan and Jon’s house, seeping into the rain.

“Oh uh. Alex and Shane are here. Probably naked. I don’t know, they’re in the living room,” Ryan says, more to Jon than anything, as we walks in the rain over to the car.

“’m not surprised,” Jon answers, lifting his head in a goodbye as Ryan closes the door. Spencer shoots a slightly worried look at Jon and he can’t help but laugh a little. “s’okay, Spin. I don’t know why they’re over here so much, but they are. Just try not to look in the living room.”

Spencer gives a mildly appalled look, but follows Jon in anyway. Without asking, Jon pours a cup of coffee and starts adding creamers and flavors that Spencer likes before putting it in the microwave.

Spencer hums and drums lazily on the counter with his fingers as Jon pulls him in for a deep kiss. Spencer scoffs, though, when he hears moaning from the next room. He quirks an eyebrow at Jon, who in turn gets the coffee from the microwave and hands it to Spencer.

“’s cool enough to drink,” he mumbles, taking Spencer’s free hand to drag him upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, because Spencer can’t help it, he looks back to see two men on the floor. And as Ryan said, probably naked. He giggles a little and lets himself be led into Jon’s room, taking in a long draft of coffee.

--

Ryan barely manages to contain himself in the car ride over- because God, he’s going to actually hang out with Brendon. He changes the radio station probably a hundred times in the fifteen minutes it takes get to Brendon’s apartment complex, stopping once in the middle of Good Girls Go Bad, another time on part of some Jonas Brothers’ song that Alex likes, a minute or two of Pokerface. Finally, he just decides to just turn it off.

With the radio off, he taps his left foot on the ground lightly between stoplights. Finally, finally, Ryan vaguely sees the outline of the familiar complex with the help of some streetlights. He pulls into the lot, turns into the closest parking spot, and hits the brake, all with a giddy feeling in his stomach.

He quickly takes the key out of the car and opens the door. As he steps out, he splashes right into a large puddle. His whole left leg is now soaking, but he locks the car anyway and starts towards the hallway entrance.

Getting inside, the dryness feels great. He climbs the familiar stairwells and turns into the memorable numbered hall, his feet naturally carrying him to the correct room. Before knocking, he looks at the little carpet patch that’s peeling from the wall that Brendon always complains about.

Ryan knocks and fidgets as he waits in the dim hallway.

--

Spencer looks at Jon, already lying down with his eyes closed, fingers running slowly through his hair. He thinks about how Jon needs a haircut, and how Brendon doesn’t, but gets one anyway. He empties the cup of coffee, because really it only takes four or five long drinks to get one down, and sets it on Jon’s nightstand.

Jon raises his eyebrows a little at the clinking, but doesn’t open his eyes. He sighs when we can feel the indent from Spencer’s weight on the mattress.

“Spence,” he says gently, opening his arms. Spencer climbs into them happily, enjoying Jon’s sweet smell.

“Hey,” he replies, bringing his hands to Jon’s face and rubbing the long stubble there. Jon makes a noise close to a purr and bites his lip, wrapping his arms around Spencer’s waist. They lay like that for a minute before Spencer leans down and presses their lips together.

Jon smiles and takes Spencer’s bottom lip into his mouth, sucking lightly. He holds back a small moan, moving his hips a little against Jon, but there’s really no urgency. They roll over so they’re both on their sides, arms lazily wrapped around one another, Spencer’s thigh between Jon’s.

Spencer tucks his head in Jon’s neck and leaves a few small kisses there.

--

There’s a knock on the door and Brendon stumbles over the duvet he re-acquired while waiting. Bogart yaps at the noise and Brendon coughs, staggering to turn the knob.

“H-hey,” Brendon pants, looking at Ryan’s slightly nervous face. By instinct, Brendon pulls Ryan inside and wraps his arms around the older boy’s neck, initiating a languid kiss. Ryan feels his face flush and he kicks the door closed behind him. Brendon’s glasses are a little skewed when he opens his eyes.

“Brendon,” he sighs, nuzzling his neck and leaving little nips. Brendon squirms a little under the touch, letting out a ragged moan. Ryan bites his lip and reaches for Brendon’s hand, dragging him to the familiar bedroom. Brendon coughs a few times and sniffles, closing the door behind them for no real reason. Ryan smiles, taking note that his scarf is on Brendon’s nightstand.

Ryan’s already on Brendon’s bed when he turns around. Brendon raises his eyebrows slightly.

“What are you doing, Ry?” he asks putting a hand on his hip. Ryan sputters a little, frankly forgetting that Brendon can do this to him.

“Oh, me? I, uh, I’m not doing anything,” Ryan says smiling, crawling toward the headboard.

“Oh, alright. You want to go to sleep?” Brendon asks, a little too sincerely. Ryan groans a little.

“N-no.” Brendon starts to take his shirt off.

“Then what do you want to do?” he asks, pausing. Ryan gives a mildly frustrated sigh and fidgets in his lap. But suddenly, Brendon’s shirt is completely off and he’s on the bed with Ryan, his face a few inches away. “Come on, Ry. Ask for it,” he whispers into the older boy’s ear, causing a shudder through Ryan’s thin frame.

“Ask for what?” Ryan asks, smiling at Brendon, trying to play this game. Brendon smirks a little, the look going straight to Ryan’s crotch.

“Oh I don’t know,” Brendon mumbles, quickly positioning his face in Ryan’s lap, fingers working the button and zipper of his jeans. He slips down the pants and boxers, Ryan obliging enthusiastically. Brendon breathes against Ryan’s cock, but pushes Ryan onto his back, aiming somewhere else.

He lets out a small yelp when he feels Brendon’s tongue flicking around his hole. Brendon slowly pushes his tongue in, knowing it’s entirely a tease, and Ryan’s hips jerk.

“Bren, Brendon,” he breathes with labor, his chest rising and falling. But just as Ryan goes to fist the sheets, Brendon’s face is back in front of him, eyes seductive.

Ryan whines and squirms. “Brendon, I want you, please,” he mumbles with a pleading expression.

“Prove it,” Brendon quips, crawling back to sit at the foot of the bed. Ryan groans, frustrated. He puts his own fingers in his mouth, licking around them slowly, letting Brendon watch. He lets the knowledge of Brendon squirming a little register in his brain before taking his fingers out with a wet pop.

Ryan doesn’t take his time when he starts pushing his long index finger where Brendon’s tongue recently departed. His hips stutter and he lets out a small moan, thrusting his finger in softly before adding another. Brendon’s face is reddening despite the familiarity in this situation and he slowly removes his pants, not taking his eyes off of Ryan.

Ryan whimpers when he adds his third and fourth finger simultaneously, twisting them aimlessly inside himself as he whines Brendon’s name.

“Fuck, Ryan, stop it,” Brendon says as he slicks himself with some saliva. Ryan looks up from his daydream and pants, removing his fingers at once. The sudden emptiness makes him feel like he just had the wind knocked out of him, but it doesn’t last.

Brendon is soon poised at Ryan’s hips, positioning the slender legs over his shoulders.

“Please, Brendon, please,” Ryan mumbles, moving his hips slightly for emphasis. Brendon obeys and presses himself in slowly, forgetting how this felt, how Ryan felt. He can’t hold back the moan in his throat that Ryan returns a moment later when he bottoms out. Knowing Ryan doesn’t need to tell him when, Brendon brings his hips back and thrusts again, starting a slow pace.

However, the pace isn’t getting them much further than making them sweat.

“Come on, more, please,” Ryan manages. Brendon slightly alters his hips and suddenly he has Ryan silently screaming his name, fingers grasping at the bed sheets. Brendon smiles a little between noiseless thrusts, Ryan’s hips coming to meet him faster every time. He knows he should probably slow down, but his hips aren’t agreeing with him, so he just buries his face in Ryan’s neck and moans his name.

“God, Bren… missed you so much,” he whispers, arms loosely around Brendon's neck. He lets out another whimper and Brendon snakes his hand between their stomachs, loosely grasping Ryan’s erection. With a few strokes and a few thrusts, Ryan is coming hot and wet between their bodies, his only words BrendonBrendonBrendon.

Just the thought of it all, coupled with being inside Ryan right now, send Brendon over the edge as well, moaning Ryan’s name. He rides it out with another few thrusts before taking the care to collapse next to Ryan instead of on top of him. He vaguely sees Ryan take off his shirt (finally) and lay back next to him. Panting, he looks up to see a tender-eyed Ryan.

Without another word, Ryan wraps his arms tightly around Brendon, their naked bodies twining back together. Ryan’s shoulders shake a little as he lets out a few dry sobs.

“It’s okay, Ry. I never left and I’m never going to,” Brendon coos, petting Ryan’s hair. Ryan relaxes and looks back at Brendon.

“Good,” he says leaning in for a kiss. Brendon softly presses his lips to Ryan’s and holds him close to his body, pulling a sheet over them.

“I love you, Ryan.” Ryan responds with a kiss to Brendon’s neck and a whispered ‘you too’.

--

Shane had had to sneak upstairs to get his jacket (left in the guest bedroom). He assumed that Spencer would be less than pleased if he was woken up at this time, so he made sure Alex stayed downstairs.

Shane starts to go downstairs after the retrieval, but he trips over a cat and tries to keep in his laughter as best he can. Alex, waiting at the foot of the stairs, returns the laugh as a terrified Clover darts across his legs.

Alex stands and takes Shane’s hand, hearing him muffle more giggles with his sleeve as they skirt around the furniture in the dark house. He looks back and smiles at Shane’s seemingly brighter eyes. He puts a hand and Shane’s neck and brings him close. He closes the distance between them and they share a few small kisses before continuing towards the door.

They lock the door and step into the moist atmosphere. Shane inhales deeply and attaches himself to Alex’s side as an arm goes across his waist. They walk and laugh in the bright streetlights and headlights of the city, not sure where they’re going but knowing where they’ll end up. So it’s no surprise when after an hour or so of aimlessness in the early morning leads them to a fancy hotel lobby.

Alex presses down a credit card and looks contently at the secretary. Shane slips his fingers between Alex’s as the lady at the counter gives them a cardkey and a smile.

They begin their ascent- the stairs, not the elevator- to their room on the fourth floor. Shane gives an almost sheepish smile and Alex brushes his hair back, kissing him as he opens the door.

--

The light isn’t too bright in Ryan’s eyes as he opens them. Another pleasantly overcast day looks back at him through the window. Smiling, he feels the large lump between his arms, looking down at it just in case. Sure enough, Brendon’s sleeping face is underneath him, his plump lips a little chapped and his stubble growing a bit more prominent.

Ryan can now feel Brendon wake up by degrees- his breath suddenly stopping for a minute as he tries to figure out where he is, whose arms he’s in. He produces long yawn, a neck crack, a sigh, and finally, he wriggles himself closer to Ryan.

“Well this is a nice change of pace,” Brendon whispers, curling his fingers into Ryan’s.

He can’t help but agree.

end

That was an awesome seven minutes

2009-08-30T19:01:27Z

I really like twitter right now.
And just the Panic boys in general.

It's time to party

Today

2009-08-30T13:59:07Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN ROSS

Today has the potential to be very upsetting. Brendon and Spencer, I'm watching you, omg.

P!ATD/TYV avatars pt 2

2009-08-24T14:50:01Z

Altogether: Panic at the Disco (264)

In this post: (95)
- Brencer (9)
- Joncer (17)
- Rydon (57)
- Other (12)
(Jonden, all, Ry&Hobo, Rywalk)

Brencer

Joncer

Rydon

Other

Woo
Feel free to use, credit if you want, etc

P!ATD/TYV avatars pt 1

2009-08-24T14:15:09Z

So I haven't posted avatars in a long time.
Which is probably why I'm about to post 265 in two posts.

Also, this is to help celebrate me unsuccessfully convincing meiloslyther to not get a subscription for userpics.

Altogether: Panic at the Disco (265)

In this post: (169)
-Brendon Urie (54)
-Jon Walker (21)
-Ryan Ross (58)
-Spencer Smith(36)

Brendon Urie

Jon Walker

Ryan Ross

Spencer Smith

wooo ;~;
Next post is a pairing post.
Feel free to use, credit if you want

Geronimo (Valdwald)

2009-08-24T03:52:46Z

Title: Geronimo
Author: coldmero
Rating: NC-17/R
Pairing: Valdwald (Alex Greenwald/Shane Valdez), implied Joncer, implied Ryden
Summary: AU Shane falls asleep at a party, and maybe Alex takes him home.
Disclaimer: This did not and never would happen. Omg unheard of pairing.
Beta: none
Author Notes: Uhm, wow. Have some porn of the most nonexistent pairing in the world. But wouldn’t Valdwald be awesome? It so would be, don’t lie. Fic based off of/title and cut text taken from the Phantom Planet song ‘Geronimo’.
Wordcount: 1759

Stumbling around with my camera, I barely notice when his hand brushes my shoulder. He flicks a smile underneath long bangs and my face heats up. I quickly snap a blurry shot of the smile and he chuckles, turning back to catch up with Ryan.

As I turn to try to get outside and cool down, I bump into Brendon, who is no doubt headed towards Ryan as well.

“Hey,” he nods, raising a hand. I return it and continue outside to the balcony. After picking up a drink, of course.

The cool air hits me and I finally get to breathe. There are so many people at Pete’s parties, and of course he would be there if Ryan was there.

“Fuck,” I mumble, tilting my head back to take in the drink.

--

Someone’s pushing me awake. I quickly conform to their touch, freezing, wherever I am. Blinking my eyes open, I look down at the camera in my lap and turn towards the dim light’s inside. Oh yeah. Pete’s house. It’s then that I decide to look up at the one who woke me- I guess I assumed it was Brendon or Pete, but I don’t think it is…

I’m startled when I look up into the dark brown eyes and slightly dirty, tousled, brown hair of Alex. His hand is still at my arm and he smirks as it begins dancing over to my chest and neck.

“Alex...” I mumble, pushing his hand off. “Thanks for, uh, waking me.” I stand to go inside, but he stops me.

“I don’t really think all you want me to do is wake you,” he says, cocking an eyebrow. His other hand trails to the crotch of my pants. I bite back a light moan, gripping my camera tightly.

“Just one touch,” he whispers, clearly amused. Yes, I have heard that song too, Alex. You gave Bren a little demo disc thing as soon as your band made enough songs. But I really want you to move your hand.

I squirm lightly and mumble protests, but he presses a finger to my lips and continues, “That’s enough.” I roll my eyes.

“I get it, stop harassing me. Look, Alex, please,” I plead, putting a hand to his shoulder. His shoulder quickly changes to his neck and his lips are against mine, palm pushing against my erection.

And suddenly the only thing he’s touching is my hand as he pulls me inside. Pete looks over in the dim light and Alex waves.

“I’m taking him home, I think he’s a little tired to do it himself,” he mumbles and Pete shrugs, not too concerned. His grip on my hand tightens and I stifle another moan, hiding it quite effectively.

We get to the driveway and Alex stops, fishing for his keys. My eyes flicker to him hesitantly for a moment, but he starts walking again and unlocks his car, the lights flashing. I stumble over my own feet as I hurry to the passenger’s seat.

He raises his eyebrow at me again and I can’t really find anything to say, so I put my camera in its bag and fling it to the back seat. I’ve gone down and I don’t feel so hot anymore, but I’m still filled with anticipation when Alex starts his car.

The drive shouldn’t be too long, but it is, because it’s Alex, and Alex wants to get coffee. Honestly, I don’t even know why he drinks coffee, because he has to do the whole non-dairy shit, and who the hell doesn’t want whipped cream on their mocha? Apparently he doesn’t.

He orders me a vanilla bean Frappucino out of assumption, and he’s damn right that’s what I want, so maybe I’m a little bothered at that, too. I’m glad he decided not to shove his veganism down my throat and get me the same thing he got. I watch him exchange small talk with an attractive barista, whom he apparently knows.

Alex’s hair is curling just into his mouth and I look at the tip, slightly darkened from wetness. I want to get it out in the worst way. He flicks the hair aside and his eyes sparkle a little- but that’s probably just because of the god awful flickering neon lights on the ceiling. I bring a hand to my forehead and rub lightly, glad I only had two or three drinks at Pete’s.

“Oh Jon, this is my friend Shane,” he says, gesturing to me. I flinch at the emphasis on friend and see Jon hide a ‘Oh, so this is Shane’ smirk as he continues to mix our drinks.

“And Shane,” he says softly, turning his head towards mine, “this is Jon.” I grunt and raise my head in a hello, which Jon returns, a bit more amused. Then again, this is a fucking coffee shop and this guy must be wired on a shitton of coffee to be wide-awake at this hour. Another scruffy looking barista comes up behind Jon and leans his head on his shoulder tiredly (it is like, three in the morning, after all). This guy probably doesn’t drink as much coffee as Jon does.

“Hey Spence,” Jon mumbles, nuzzling his cheek.

I look at scruffy guy who isn’t Jon and notice his pretty blue eyes, wondering how they’re so bright. My own eyes flick back to Alex’s one last time and take in the deep brown.

--

We’re back in the car and fuck Alex, just hurry up and get us to your house, because we both know that’s where we’re going.

“You’re so impatient when you’re hot and bothered,” he states with a smile, sipping at his mocha. I give him a light glare because we both know he’s right.

--

Our coffees are long forgotten in the car with my camera. He bites at my lip after removing my shirt, the lights dim in the house. He crawls back on the bed and I grab his wrists, tying them with a scarf (probably Ryan’s). I hiss as he licks my pulse, trailing his tongue down my arm and up my neck, still close to him. He nips a little roughly at my pulse and I squirm in my now too-tight pants.

I bring myself up and grind my hips down as he grins at my no-longer-held-back moan. He flicks his hair to the side again, smiling. Little droplets of sweat land on my face and I wet my lips. He brings my face to mine as best he can and I close the gap, exchanging a kiss of tongues and teeth.

He bares his neck to my face, exactly like he knows I want it. I lick and bite, enjoying the salty taste of his sweat lingering in my mouth when I move away. He gazes up, eyes half-lidded, and I quickly pull down his pants and then my own. I smile at his lack of underwear and press my fingers into his mouth.

He rolls them around with his tongue slowly, and fuck Alex, stop doing that. I pull them out, painfully aware of how completely hard I’ve gotten. I slip a finger in and sigh happily, loving the familiar feeling. Alex squirms as he watches me prepare myself, mumbling profanities.

“Fuck, Shane, hurry up,” he groans. I give him a look.

“No whining,” I say, simply. I very slowly add another finger, now prolonging this to annoy Alex like he’s been annoying me all night. I try to stifle a moan when I curl my fingers, reaching the spot I know Alex manages to hit every time. Flicking my eyes over to watch him squirm and buck his hips, I smile slyly, adding a third finger and another drawn-out moan into the silence.

And because I’m no good at torture when I’m this hot and can hardly stand it anymore, I remove my fingers after a little more stretching to help Alex out a little. I bring my lips to the head of his cock and give a tentative lick. He shudders. I take him in entirely, humming around him as he squirms.

“S-shane, yeah, yeah..” he mumbles, along with a string of profanities. And because I’m seriously getting too impatient to think clearly, Alex’s hands tied up, both our minds clouded with lust, a delicious sheen of sweat covering both of our bodies, I bring my head up with a pop and lean up to kiss Alex roughly.

I position my hips above his and push his shirt up farther, guiding his cock inside. My hips stutter as I continue lowering myself slowly, getting used to the feeling.

“Alex,” I say breathlessly, bringing myself back up jerkily to slam down against his cock. His hands are writhing, wanting out of the bonds, but at the same time, the helplessness turns him on and we both know it. I let out some moans and whines in time with his thrusts meeting my falls. I put my hands on his shoulders, digging my short nails into the base of his neck. I moan at the lack of contact on my part.

Giving up after only a few contacts, I bring one hand down to stroke myself. I look to see Alex watching, biting his lip hard, a flush raised on both of our faces. I fucking wish it was possible to take pictures of moments like these, but you just can’t (and my camera is outside in the car, anyway).

And fuck, fuck, that was definitely the first time he hit my prostate dead on and just fuck Alex.

He mumbles a warning that he’s coming close, and I’m sure he already knows I feel the same. I bury my face into his neck, continuing to meet his now sloppy thrusts. I bite his neck with a moan and a “fuck, Alex, fuck” as I come.

Without skipping a beat, Alex joins me, this time moaning a “Shane, fuck, Shane”. I bring my hips down roughly one last time, both of us riding out our orgasms.

In the post-sex blur, I reach up to untie his hands and he pulls out, positioning me next to him. He rolls over to turn off a lamp that I didn’t even know was on and looks at my tiredly.

“I think you like this way too much,” he mumbles sleepily, threading a hand through my hair.

“And I think you’re way fucked up,” I whisper, kissing him lightly as I circle my arms around his hips.

end

Ryan Ross meme lol

2009-08-23T20:13:09Z

My person is Ryan Ross. Post a comment if you want to do it and I'll give you a person.

1. Choose a picture of the funniest face on your person.

His trademark scowl

And this.

2. Choose a picture of your person eating.

This picture implies eating, but one cannot be positive.

n'gaww

??

3. Choose a picture of your person with an animal.

G'awww

No one has any idea how much I envy this koala

Bonus Keltie drowning Hobo in Pete's pool

4. Choose a picture of your person with a member of the opposite sex

Enough said.

5. Choose a picture where you would have sex with this person.

At the beach with Shane and Dylan!

Or on the couch with some girls and mystery cocaine!

6. Choose a picture of your favorite outfit on this person.
Oh god, Ryan fucking Ross? Other than everything he's ever worn ever?
Let's see.

I'm fond of his odd cult-initiation outfit

And maybe some of this

nngh certainly some of that...

Gonna stop right here because I could keep going for forever

7. Choose a picture of your person smiling.

nngh

8. Choose a picture of your person half/naked.

nngh

9. Choose a picture of your person doing an outdoor activity.

This counts, right?

10. Choose your favorite picture of this person.
Honestly, I have no fucking idea.
These two are probably the closest to favorites I have of solo!Ryan

nngh

This is quite possibly my favorite, and I saw it for the first time like, yesterday.

That was too much fun.

Holy SHIT

2009-08-21T05:29:02Z

Seriously, omg.

I just got IP ~~banned~~ frozen from neopets. They disabled all thirteen of my accounts. Oh my god, that is in fucking sane.

Not much to say other than that. Holy shit. I just got a Jelly Poogle, too. Whatever. (laughs)

I actually feel kind of badass.

Wow.
Wow.

-Melissa

Borders, I'm watching you

2009-08-18T15:53:13Z

I was just checking my email when I noticed this.

STOP THERE AND LET ME CORRECT IT , I WANNA LIVE A LIFE FROM A

Right, Borders Bookstore email? Right.

tl;dr Bookstores are leaching off of Brendon and Spencer's current success.

♥Melissa

Getting a fish

2009-08-10T04:31:07Z

EDIT
I'm going through lists of 'good fish names' and am vastly disappointed. My fish needs a way better name than 'Cutie Pie', okay?
/edit

I'm getting a fish in the next few days because while cleaning my room today I cleared a nice spot for one.

I'm seriously very excited about this. Recently, my irl life hasn't been the most exciting thing- so I very much look forward to getting a new low-maintenance pet.

Gonna pick up the coolest looking beta fish the nearest Wal-Mart has. I'm going to use a large, sweet looking jar as the bowl, and it's just going to be really cool. And as a twist of fate, my mom was given fish gravel by one of her friends today! This fish is going to be awesome.

And don't worry, I'll post pictures of it (laughs)

So anyway, anyone want to recommend fish names?
I'm leading towards Jon, tbh, but I want to hear opinions.

Pointless entry, yeah!
♥Melissa

Forgetting You in a Cabaret (Joncer)

2009-08-08T21:10:57Z

Title: Forgetting You in a Cabaret
Author: coldmero
Rating: NC-17/R
Pairing: Joncer, (mentions of past Spencer/Brent,) slight Rydon
Summary: AU Spencer is finally dumping Brent, and much to his excitement, Ryan and Brendon are taking him out tonight. And ugh, just look at that bartender over there.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, lol.
Beta: isuzuchan44
Author Notes: Keep in mind, I wrote this to feel kind of blurry. And I'm not too fond of it. Might as well post though, right? Thankfully, this is AU. Yeah, wow, Spencer/Brent. I’m REALLY sorry Spencer, but it was… so funny, that it had to be like this. And it even kind of fits! Also, this was very vaguely inspired by ‘But It’s Better If You Do’. Also, this is being submitted from a proxy site because FOR SOME REASON LJ is not working for me. Hoping to get that fixed soon, right? Sorry for any bad formatting, there’s not much I can do.
Wordcount: 3,010

“God dammit Brent, just take your shit and leave,” Spencer says, bringing his fingers up to massage his temples.

“This isn’t fair, Spencer! I love you! I had no idea you didn’t feel the same way. You’re horrible,” Brent cries, reluctantly shoving his belongings in boxes and bags Spencer scattered across the floor.

“Yeah, and if you loved me, you wouldn’t say I was horrible, you douche,” Spencer mumbles.

“What?” Brent asked whipping his head up to look at Spencer.

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.” Spencer just wanted to hurry up and get Brent out. The relationship seemed like a fine idea at first- they were friends, Ryan and Brendon didn’t mind, Brent wasn’t crazy, Spencer thought he was cute… But then Spencer realized it bothered Ryan and Brendon that he was getting hurt by an obsessive boyfriend, Brent was crazy, and he wasn’t very attractive at all.

This was nothing like the time Ryan and Spencer dabbled together for a few weeks when they were early teenagers. That was just fine, and it all worked out well, they were still best friends, it was overall a fine experience. An experience that ended and both parties were alright with that. And not insane.

And like how Spencer and Brendon kissed that one time, to try it, and then laughed and proceeded to make funny faces at each other after they mumbled quick sorry’s.

“Spencer… Spencer, are you sure?” Brent sobs, hopefully for the last time, as he picks up his bags. Oh, and Spencer doesn’t have to worry about Brent having a spare key. He was so irresponsible that Spencer always had to open the door for him- Brent always forgot his copy of the key on the counter. If Spencer arched his neck, he’d be able to see it there right at this very moment.

“Yeah. So long,” he says tiredly, opening the apartment door. Brent hobbles out and Spencer doesn’t even give the courtesy of helping him with his bags. Giving one last look, Spencer shuts the door and sighs, flopping onto the couch. Suddenly, a smile overcomes him.

He hops out of the couch, does a little dance, and scrambles over to his cell phone to call Ryan and Brendon.

--

Spencer slips on the obnoxious vest, feeling light as a feather now that he’s rid of Brent. Brendon and Ryan were both ecstatic- they now have an excuse to no longer be friendly with Brent. And Spencer is happy, so they are too.

Ryan’s picking him up in the next few minutes, so Spencer is throwing himself together. He ties a headband around his forehead and straightens his shirt, grinning the whole time. He spots a pair of Brent’s underwear on the ground and tosses them into the garbage. He already rotated the picture he had of him and Brent to one of him with Ryan when they were younger. And another with him and Brendon. It feels great.

Spencer hears Ryan knock on the door. He slips his phone and keys into his pocket before answering and shutting the apartment behind him.

Ryan puts his arm around Spencer and kisses his cheek, talking about how Brendon’s in the car waiting, and they haven’t gone out in so long. Apparently, Ryan and Brendon found a nice cabaret downtown, and they just have to have Spencer see some of the workers there. Spencer lets the warm buzz known as Ryan and Brendon lift his spirits even higher as he sits down in the passenger seat next to Ryan. He chats with a happy Brendon in the backseat and the ride to the club goes by in a relaxed blur.

Pulling into the club with neon lights, Spencer grins, tempted to pick up the first guy he sees tonight. Ryan and Brendon link arms with him through the parking lot and give him hugs, and everything is just so nice.

In the club, the music beats down on Spencer, and he blinks, the blur coming to an end. Brendon gives Spencer a mildly concerned face.

“You want us to stay with you?” Brendon asks.

“No, you guys just stay in one spot so I’ll be able to find you if I need you, alright? I’m feeling pretty okay,” Spencer says, pulling Brendon into a hug. He feels Brendon’s grin on his shoulder and he smiles at Ryan.

With that, he steps off to pick a stool at the bar. The barkeep is crouched down, digging for a fresh bottle in a cupboard. Spencer drums his fingers lightly, waiting for the man to come back. He takes the time to look around now- there are people dancing, people eagerly watching the currently empty stage (a show must be starting soon), some couples at tables, some creepy looking men… overall, not a bad crowd.

He finds himself daydreaming before he feels the breath of a face way-too-close to his. Spencer snaps his head around and feels a light blush creep up his neck at the man in front of him. The bartender flashes a stubbly smile and leans on his elbows in front of Spencer.

“What could I get a pretty boy like you tonight?” he asks, and even though he doesn’t, it feels like he winks.

“I-uh a daiquiri would be good right now. Peach and lime, please,” Spencer breathes, feeling mildly startled. Not in a bad way. This time, the man does wink at Spencer before he turns around to prepare the cocktail. He lets his mind wander again for a moment, thinking again about the relief of Brent off his shoulders. Brent will throw a tizzy, no doubt, but he’s over the hill now.

And again Spencer lets himself be surprised at the closeness of the barkeep, setting down the glass. Sputtering for words, Spencer opts to just take a sip and let the rum ease his nerves.

“So what’s your name?” the man flirts, leaning on his elbows again, dangerously close to Spencer. Not many people are at the bar right now- and there are other bartenders, so no one is in vital need of this one.

“Spencer Smith,” he breathes, taking another swig of the cocktail. The man’s eyes light up with mild surprise. Another man with long hair comes up behind the barkeep and hits him on the shoulder.

“Go easy on him, Jon,” the man jokes quietly.

“Don’t make Brendon jealous of you when you talk to Ryan, Alex,” Jon replies.

“B-brendon Urie and Ryan Ross?”

“Yeah. You’re their best friend, right? They mentioned you the first time they came up here- I guess this is that Spencer Smith, huh?”

“Yeah,” Spencer muses, putting his hands flat on the counter.

“But anyway, I’m Jon Walker, Spencer Smith. And I better go serve some more people before she kills me,” Jon says, shrugging to the woman at the other end of the bar. “But you know, whenever you need a refill, I’ll be sure to be there,” he says with a smile going passed his eyes.

“Alright, Jon,” Spencer says to himself, because Jon has already moved to a small party of girls. Spencer picks up his glass and scans the room for Brendon and Ryan. When he sees them, Ryan is cooing in Brendon’s ear and tracing circular patterns on his upper thigh with an index finger. Brendon is leaning into him. Spencer smiles fondly as he walks over, the slight warmth of the daiquiri fizzling in him.

“Hey Spence,” Ryan says, looking up from Brendon.

“So I met Jon. And Alex, I think his name was?” Brendon scowls slightly.

“Yeah, Jon’s really cool,” Brendon says brightly, despite his previous expression. Spencer hums, letting the boys talk to him for a few minutes, sucking in the ease he feels. Looking up at the stage, Spencer now sees that a performance has already started- it’s currently some dancers in leotards with mile-long pink feathers in headdresses. Vegas.

“I’m going to go get another drink,” Spencer says, his eyes flicking over to Jon watching him at the bar.

“Just for another drink?” Ryan asks, grinning. Spencer scowls and strides back to his previous stool at the bar to a waiting Jon.

“Hey Spence,” he says softly. Spencer feels his cheeks heat up again. He slides his glass closer to Jon.

“Another, please,” he says quietly, turning in time to see Brendon and Ryan exchange a gentle kiss.

Jon returns with that gorgeous smile and slides Spencer a slip of paper. Biting his lip, he says, “Just so, you know, you have my number. In case I forget to give it to you later.” Spencer tries to stifle a smile as he pockets the paper, noting that Jon is spelled without the ‘h’. He looks up at Jon.

“When do you…”

“Twenty minutes,” Jon replies with hopeful eyes.

“I think I can probably stick around another twenty minutes.”

“I think you should.” Jon reaches to brush Spencer’s fingers on the stem of the glass. It lingers and Spencer smiles innocently.

“I think I will,” Spencer replies, bringing the glass to his lips and breaking the touch with Jon. Jon walks off to do his rounds and Spencer turns to watch the current show, which is now a man singing in a mask. Spencer jerks his head to see if Brendon is at his table, but no, only Ryan, who is intently watching the singer. He thought it sounded like Brendon.

Girls are waving their arms and pulsing with Brendon’s voice and Spencer can see Ryan chuckling over it. Spencer gets up again and sits next to Ryan at his booth.

“I didn’t know Bren liked to sing in front of crowds like this.”

“I didn’t either,” he laughs.

“But he’s got a great voice, you know? He really should be a musician.”

“Yeah,” Ryan says, putting his hand comfortably on Spencer’s knee. Brendon sneaks a glance at their table and smiles, nearing the end of his song. When he finishes, the lights dim and the MC, whose name is apparently Shane, judging from the girls yelling his name, comes out. He applauds Brendon and welcomes the next performer to the stage.

In a few minutes, Brendon is scooting next to Spencer, brushing glitter off of his vest.

“You sounded great, Bren- do any of them know it’s you?” Spencer comments, amused.

“I’m pretty sure they don’t, and thanks.” Spencer motions to Brendon to scoot out so he can get up from the table. Once he’s standing and Brendon is cuddled up next to Ryan again, Spencer gives a sheepish smile.

“So, uh, you guys can go home whenever… I’m not going to need a ride,” he mumbles, looking down.

“Yeah Spencer! Who is it? Jon? Please say it’s Jon!” Brendon says excitedly, clapping. Ryan smiles next to him and raises his eyebrows, implying the same question.

“Y-yeah. Thanks for taking me out, and I’ll uh, see you guys later, then.” Spencer leans to give them both short hugs and he turns back for the bar.

“Good night!” Spencer hears Ryan yell. He smiles, shaking his head slightly, and comes back to his seat at the bar. Jon glides over and asks Spencer to wait a few minutes, he needs to punch out. Spencer nods, feeling a little giddy.

--

So Jon did come back to get Spencer in a matter of a few minutes. They walked out the door, hearing Brendon hooting. Jon quickly explained that he took the bus whose stop is just around the corner, so come with me and we’ll be home in about ten minutes. As if Spencer wasn’t going to go with him.

Spencer follows in the cool night air, groping blindly for Jon’s hand. Finding it, he holds it hesitantly. Jon makes a not-unpleasant grunt and holds it firmly, leading them to the waiting bus.

The bus ride mentally takes a while for Spencer. He’s only felt ghosts of touches from Jon and the anticipation is killing him.

The bus stops and Jon pats Spencer’s shoulder, telling him this is the one, and they both stumble out of the vehicle. Luckily, Jon’s apartment complex is just here, and they’re already going up the stairs to the third floor, apartment number 304A. Jon pushes the key into the lock and quickly lets Spencer inside before closing and relocking the door.

Spencer takes in Jon’s apartment. They really haven’t spoken much, so he doesn’t know too much about him. Oh God, he hopes this smell is Jon’s smell- it’s faint and lingering in the air. And delicious.

“So hey, Spence,” Jon whispers, suddenly at his neck, kissing softly.

“H-hey,” Spencer manages, his fingers searching for the bottom of Jon’s now untucked shirt. Finding it, he grazes across Jon’s lean navel and feels a shudder and a nip at his neck.

Stopping where they are, in sudden realization, Jon cups Spencer’s cheek in one hand.

“Oh yeah. I haven’t even done this yet,” he says, bringing his lips to Spencer’s. At first it’s shallow, they’re testing the waters. Jon’s got his leg between Spencer’s and they can both feel the partial erections on each other’s thighs. Within a few kisses, their teeth brush and their tongues dip against each other.

Jon pulls away, panting, and pushes Spencer toward his bedroom, just passed this door. Spencer feels the lingering of Jon’s stubble against his face, and it’s hot. Jon’s really hot, and Spencer doesn’t think it’s just the few drinks he had telling him this.

“Just wondering,” Spencer pants, “but is this a one-time thing or maybe not?” He feels mildly nervous, but the buzz of anticipation is still there, so he doesn’t think on it too hard.

“It depends if you’re still here in the morning or not,” Jon whispers into his neck, kissing at Spencer’s pulse.

“You always say that?” They’re nearly at Jon’s bed now.

“Sometimes. If you did stay, you’d be the first, though,” Jon admits, pushing Spencer onto the bed. Jon’s fingers work at the buttons on Spencer’s vest, and then the shirt underneath. Sitting up a little, Spencer shimmies out of both and tosses them to the floor.

Spencer finds himself whimpering as Jon’s rough hands slide up Spencer’s torso. Unbuttoning his own shirt quickly, Jon flings it off and continues to press open-mouthed kisses to Spencer’s body.

Arching his back, Spencer comes in contact with Jon’s hips, making them both bite back moans. Mumbling, Spencer threads his fingers through Jon’s hair to pull him in for a kiss. He pulls away, panting, and positions his hands at Spencer’s hips before hesitating.

“God, j-just fuck me Jon,” Spencer whispers, blushing now at his language. There’s no way he could have ever been like this with Brent. (God, Brent.) Jon nods and undoes Spencer’s pants before pulling both them and his underwear down, discarding them to the floor. Jon hops out of the bed and shakes out of his own pants and boxers before returning to run his hands up Spencer’s chest again.

Jon pushes three fingers into Spencer’s mouth and he hums around them. Jon shuts his eyes tightly as he feels Spencer’s tongue flick around his fingers, coating them. Jon removes his fingers and rubs lightly at the inside of Spencer’s thighs, tracing the tight ring of muscles before pushing in a finger. Spencer hisses and grabs a fistful of bed sheets.

Jon lightly thrusts the finger in and out, curling it experimentally. When he feels Spencer’s hips stutter, he smirks.

“Another, Jon, come on,” Spencer sighs, tossing his head to the side. Jon complies, and with another moment of preparation, takes out his fingers before reaching into his bedside table for a condom and some lube. He quickly tears the foil and rolls on the condom before slicking himself up as Spencer shifts impatiently, positioning his legs around Jon’s waist.

Jon presses himself in slowly at first, hearing Spencer’s drawn-out gasp and letting him get used to the feeling, before pulling out, starting a tempo. Apparently, it’s a bit too slow for Spencer, because Jon can feel Spencer meet him with his thrusts. Jon wraps an arm around Spencer’s back and picks him up slightly, changing the angle of the thrusts. Jon feels Spencer’s breath hitch in his ear, and he feels himself getting increasingly deeper.

“Nnn, right there,” Spencer groans. He knows he’s whimpering, and it’s embarrassing, but he’s so involved that he can hardly focus on that. He can hear Jon whispering profanities, and if possible it makes Spencer harder. Jon’s stomach keeps brushing Spencer’s erection and it’s driving him insane.

“Mmm… God Spence, you’re so nice,” Jon mumbles, sucking a reddish splotch on Spencer’s neck as he thrusts. In his mind, Spencer’s begging to be touched, and Jon must have heard him. He snakes a hand between them and loosely wraps his fingers around Spencer’s cock, slowly pumping him.

“Fuck, Jon,” Spencer whispers, and Jon doesn’t need him to say that he’s close by the way Spencer’s muscles are tightening around him. Jon can feel it too, so he quickens his thrusts and pumping, biting his lip.

With the hitch of a moan, Spencer comes against Jon’s torso and Jon follows shortly, sighing his name as he takes in the clenching of Spencer’s muscles. Jon collapses on Spencer for a minute before pulling out and discarding the condom into the trash. He looks at Spencer’s flushed face for moment before kissing him long and slow. Jon then slips down Spencer’s chest to lick up the cum remaining on Spencer’s stomach and thighs, and Spencer feels his face get warmer, as if it could.

“Y-you know, I really like you, Jon,” Spencer grumbles, pulling Jon back up to lay next to him.

“I like you too,” he replies, brushing the sweaty bangs from Spencer’s forehead and removing the headband he’d had tied across it. Spencer sighs and lets Jon put an arm around him, kissing his neck softly.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Spencer says quietly, and they can both feel Jon’s smile.

End

Ahaha... LJ news

2009-08-08T17:12:59Z

I am having major problems with Livejournal right now- I cannot access it unless I'm going through a proxy. Which is what I'm doing now.

About midway through yesterday, I started being unable to access livejournal. It came up saying the server wouldn't connect and crap. Which I knew wasn't true (and see, it isn't true. Hello proxy.)

And some more great news: Looking at the format for how I have to submit entries on proxies, I cannot do rich text, but I think what I'm currently typing in is the raw html (which is what I use for posting fanfiction and editing entries, anyway). So I will be able to post fanfiction, maybe, if this IS the raw html.

One fanfiction, which I started last night, is a few paragraphs from finishing. Do expect it in the next few hours, but I'm still working on my computer. I have spent all morning researching the best antivirus software and why the hell LJ isn't working for me.

I am receiving emails from livejournal now though, including replies and comments. So at least I have those. I'll be trying to reply to as many as possible via proxy, but it will probably take some time. Don't stop yourself from commenting, though.

So basically, does anyone know what could be wrong? LJ is kind of acting like it has me IP banned- which I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Help?

And, what is the best internet security you guys have experienced? Hook me up, I only have 23 days of Norton crap left.

ugh
♥Melissa

Wait, what?

2009-08-07T05:33:50Z

Oh, guys, I'm kidding. I KNOW New Perspective is about Ryan. Duh.

Just dumb, only partially serious speculation.

Brendon's partial 'coming out' shenanigans last night.
New Perspective.
New Perspective's lyrics.
About Spencer Smith?
Think about it.
Think about it.

This was my face when I thought about it.

♥ a partially serious Melissa
I'm not sure how I feel about this.

fanfiction meme

2009-08-05T05:21:37Z

In this, you post one line from all of your WIP's with no explanation. MAYBE THIS WILL BUILD MOTIVATION.

1. Rubbing his eyes, Ryan noticed the strip of yellow light underneath the bathroom door in the room he was sharing with Brendon.

2. Whoever this person is, they have beautiful coffee eyes and hair, lush pink lips, cherry red glasses (he loves a guy in glasses), light freckles, very slight facial stubble…

3. He’s got dark brown hair, matching chocolate eyes, red rimmed glasses, full pink lips, sexy stubble…

4. He knows the single by heart- he can catch some of Ryan’s breaths in between lines (the song isn’t recorded in the best quality- Brendon knows it’s for the effect), and he breathes with them.

5. He wasn’t going to know anyone here except Spencer, and Spencer thought that would give him a ‘good chance’ for a ‘new start’.

I laughed so hard at 2 and 3. Almost the same lines are almost the same. I posted them on purpose. Oh lawd, I love myself.

I have a feeling I'm going to work on number 2 or 4 right now. Not sure.

Ahaha.

♥Melissa

Waiting (Brencer)

2009-07-21T03:16:43Z

Title: Waiting
Author: coldmero
Rating: PG
Pairing: Soft Spencer/Brendon (Brencer), implied Joncer and Rydon
Summary: Brendon and Spencer are staying there for each other and looking on the bright side.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, though I think it may have kind of.
Beta: none
Author Notes: I just wanted to do something soft and comforting and Brencer. Another break from the Rydon AU I’m working on (laughs). This is my third ‘break’ from that fic so far.
Wordcount: 435

Brendon strums a few more notes before sighing, finishing the song.

“What’s wrong, Bren?”

“What’s been wrong, Spence?” he answers, running his hand through his hair. His fingers feel sore, his hands otherwise numb, and he sighs again.

Looking down at his shirt, Brendon sees the familiar guitar strap. It’s his favorite. Ryan bought it for him. It was actually only two months ago, or something like that. It’s paisley and flowery, and overall very Ryan. Brendon knew at the time that it was partially a token gesture- he still knows. He appreciates it, he guesses.

Spencer gets up from his set and walks over to Brendon, slipping the guitar and strap off of him, leaning the instrument on the wall. Brendon feels himself get up and he turns around to hug Spencer.

“You know it’s going to be alright, Brendon. And just look at how happy Ryan and Jon have been sounding- and they’re still real friendly to us. I’m pretty sure our relationships aren’t really harmed… besides, Ryan and Jon are pretty sure it’s just going to be a temporary thing.”

“I know. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still complain right now,” Brendon says, frowning. Spencer does feel really bad for Brendon- while he’s okay with the split up most of the time, sometimes it just hits him and he gets upset again. Brendon’s real excited to be working on the poppy stuff with Spencer, but at the same time, he misses Ryan and Jon so much. Brendon just hasn’t been himself, recently.

Spencer presses a kiss to Brendon’s forehead, and he sighs again. It’s content this time, though.

“Thank you, Spencer,” Brendon whispers, pressing a chaste, friendly kiss to Spencer’s lips. They smile and Spencer ruffles Brendon’s hair.

“You too. Let’s go get something to eat- we don’t have much to practice for today, anyway.”

So they go eat. They go to a bar a few blocks away and enjoy themselves with fine liquor and live entertainment.

And then they go back home and settle down on Brendon’s bed, arms around each other gently. They can feel the alcohol in them, creating a comfortable, warm buzz. They both know that Brendon is no Jon for Spencer, and likewise Spencer is no Ryan for Brendon, but that’s alright. They need each other just the same.

Brendon presses open mouthed kisses along Spencer’s face and neck, and they whisper each other’s names softly. Kissing is all they do, though. It’s comfortable and it just feels warm and friendly to them. They fall asleep, noses touching, waiting for their other halves to come back.

end

Don't Worry (Rydon)

2009-07-20T04:24:44Z

Title: Don’t Worry
Author: coldmero
Rating: PG-13 (themes)
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan (Rydon)
Summary: Ryan doesn’t know how he feels, and maybe he just wants to feel something.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and I sure as hell hope it doesn’t.
Warning!: Attempted suicide
Beta: none
Author Notes: I didn’t intend for this to get longer than 500-600 words. I just got the idea when I woke up this morning and decided to ride it out- a nice break from the other fic I’m working on.
Wordcount: 1,292

Ryan is getting ready. About an hour ago he posted another cryptic tweet, one that no one would really think upon until afterwards.

He’s even styling his hair- even putting on makeup. He just blow-dried his hair and he’s now teasing it up in the back and down the middle, making a Ryhawk. He massages some cream into his face before popping off the cap to a liquid eyeliner. He slowly brings the fanned bristles to his eye and draws a straight line down, curving it at the bottom.

The smell of the makeup fills his lungs and he finishes the abstract shape, groping for a purple and a gold tube to fill it in. He hears his iPhone pulsing ‘GINASFS’ by Fall Out Boy. Which means Brendon is calling him. This isn’t the first time he’s done so today.

He traces the thick black outline in shimmery gold and puts in purple scallops. As he finishes, he grasps a black pencil and shades under and above his eyes- going a bit more deep and dramatic than he used to. Spraying his hair one last time, he walks out of the bathroom, turning off the light. He could swear he hears Hobo bark- but he knows he doesn’t, as he had Jon babysit the dog for the weekend, saying he was busy.

Ryan walks up to his closet and picks a few dog hairs off the plush paisley vest he takes out. He tosses it onto his bed and reaches back into the closet to remove a pastel pink button-up shirt and his lace-up slacks. He shimmies out of his current pants while pulling the pink shirt over his bare torso and arms. He stuffs his legs into the thin lace-up pants and hikes them to his waist, lacing and tying the front.

Ryan turns to look at himself in the mirror and his facial expression stays flat. He almost wants to cry, but he doesn’t think he can. This get-up is bringing him back to the Fever days. Hard.

He hears his phone going off again, still Brendon, and he walks over to it on the counter. He wants to pick up. He wants to hear Brendon’s voice one more time before he…

But he can’t. That would ruin everything. It won’t matter for him soon enough, anyway. He blinks and can feel welled up tears- the first expression he’s physically shown in a few days. He hasn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. He hasn’t felt up for it. It won’t matter, anyway.

Taking a thin knife from the rack on the counter, Ryan plops down on the couch. He reaches for the camera he set on the arm of the couch earlier. He takes a picture of himself and turns it off, setting it back down where it was.

Ryan rolls up his sleeves to his elbows, now, and holds the knife loosely in his left hand. He presses it to a crease in his right wrist and slides it quickly, causing a small slit to form. He lifts the knife to see his work- it’s like his arm hasn’t noticed yet, and the blood has yet to come. Soon, however, a small line of blood begins to ooze from the slit and Ryan blinks.

The knock on Ryan’s apartment door startles him, and he begins to panic. But wait, he locked the door, it doesn’t matter. It’s probably just some neighbor.

But then the door clicks open and a thin figure stands, silhouetted.

“R-ryan?” he says, quickly walking over to the couch, after slamming the door shut. He pulls the knife from Ryan’s hand. “What are you doing? Ryan?”

Ryan blinks more, and he thinks he might be beginning to cry. He’s not sure.

“Brendon I- go away. You can’t stop me, go away,” Ryan says softly. Even though Ryan isn’t sure if he’s crying, he’s sure that Brendon is. His shoulders raise and fall and he can hear the sharp intake of breath whenever Brendon lets out a sob.

Brendon quickly puts the knife in the sink and returns to Ryan. He catches sight of the blood on Ryan’s wrist as Ryan frantically pulls down his sleeves. Brendon was always his voice of reason. Brendon always stopped him from doing stupid things.

“Ryan… Ryan,” Brendon cries, folding Ryan into his arms. Ryan feels his own arms wrap around Brendon’s waist and he cries, too. “G-god I’m so glad I came… I was thinking of just going to a bar with Spencer and giving you time alone… Ryan,” Brendon whispers, kissing Ryan’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” is all Ryan can manage. He’s not sure what’s been going on with him lately, and he really is sorry. Brendon loosens his grip a little and presses their lips together for a second before withdrawing. He can feel the kiss linger on his lips.

“I-I’m getting blood on your shirt, Bren,” Ryan mumbles, humiliated, relieved, and what else, he doesn’t know.

“It’s okay, Ry. Come on, is it alright if I bandage your wrist…?” Ryan gives a little nod and lets Brendon help him to the bathroom. Brendon sits him down next to the sink on the counter and quickly gets out alcohol, antibiotic cream, cotton balls, and a wrap of gauze. It’s surprising that Ryan even has all of this.

Brendon quickly wets a cotton ball in alcohol and wipes it across the slit. Ryan winces, but his face softens as he hears Brendon singing under his breath. Three Little Birds.

Blotting all the blood, Brendon throws out the cotton ball and get another fresh one. He squirts some antibiotic onto it and smears it across Ryan’s wrist. He’s unsure why they’re both so calm.

Silently still, Brendon starts wrapping gauze tightly over Ryan’s wrist, and when he’s satisfied, he cuts it and tucks the end into the cuff. Brendon looks up, sheepishly.

“Do you think you cut through anything deep in your arm?” Ryan winces at the question, more so than he did when he had alcohol slathered on his wrist.

“N-no. It was the first time…” Brendon envelopes Ryan into another tight hug and he kisses his neck, inhaling his smell. Brendon still sings quietly- a few lines here and there.

“Are you… well do you think you’re… okay?” Brendon asks meekly. He knows Ryan isn’t really okay, but he wants to know if he’s… well, okay.

“Yeah. I will be. I’m sorry, still. I’m so sorry, Brendon,” Ryan says, choking at the knot in his throat.

“I just want you, Ryan. I just want you to live and be happy and be with me. Please.” Brendon kisses Ryan’s forehead and helps him off of the counter.

“I… want that too.” Brendon kisses Ryan again, gently on the lips, before resting him on his bed.

“I don’t think you’ve eaten recently. I’m going to make you something. Can I leave you alone?” Brendon asks, holding Ryan’s hands.

“Yes… you can. I think I’m going to be okay now… especially since you’re here,” Ryan’s voice trails off and he feels his eyelids droop a little. Before Brendon leaves, he gives Ryan a long, chaste kiss, his hands threading through Ryan’s hair.

“I love you, Ry. Stay with me.”

“I love you too, and I will.”

Brendon ruffles Ryan’s hair and stands up to go heat up something simple, like a can of soup.

Ryan quickly follows Brendon to snatch his phone, and then he stumbles back to his bed, suddenly feeling hungry. He opens his Twitter application and deletes the last entry, replacing it. All he types is “thisisryanross Don’t worry about a thing.”

Ryan can hear Brendon singing in the kitchen.

“’cause every little thing… gonna be alright,” his voice trails.

end